Back To You ~ (Cazzie Fanfic)

I will never get you pregnant

Elsa had smiled sadly and squeezed her arm.

"It's not your fault Izzie has a bad home life or that you have a great home li-"

"Well, let's not get carried away," Casey had said, rolling her eyes.

Elsa looked back at her mock irritation.

"Casey," Elsa said gently. "We can't change Izzie's situation. She was dealt a difficult hand... and she has to make her way in the world as best she can. But we can love her and support her and be there for her when things get really hard. We can make sure she knows she's not alone."

"I know that," Casey had said quietly, looking down at her lap.

The older she got the more she was beginning to recognize that when Elsa spoke of Izzie like this, it was coming from her own deep hurt.

"If you want to spend more time with her, why don't you see if you can find ways to help her or support her that don't require her to change her life too much?"

Casey tilted her head back as if she was searching the heavens for relief.

"Ok! Fine."

She peeked at her mother from out of the corner of her eyes and smiled the tiniest sliver of a smile that she could manage.

"Thank you," she said quickly, jumping up and running halfway up the stairs.

Then she stopped abruptly, turned around and blurted, "I love you," before racing the rest of the way up without waiting to see her words land.

That was how Casey had found herself in the beat up old car Doug and Elsa had given her, driving across town to surprise Izzie at her summer job. When she got to the day camp Casey parked, grabbed the slurpees she had just picked up and went to lean on the railing just outside the building with all the parents and nannies waiting to pick up children at the end of the day. As she waited she sipped her slurpee and watched the adults talk and tap urgently on their phones, taking work calls and sending emails in their business casual khakis and yoga pants. Their lives and concerns seemed a million miles from anything she wanted or cared about and she found herself thinking "God, I will never be like that."

Then the door opened and kids started streaming out, noisy and chaotic, escorted by their camp counselors. Izzie didn't notice Casey at first, leaning casually on the railing, slurpees in hand. Her dark hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail and with minimal makeup and no jewelry she looked youthful and fresh... the epitome of a summer camp counselor... complete with her sun darkened freckles, which Casey could see from where she was perched. Izzie scanned the crowd studiously, noting which children had found their adults and checking it off on a clipboard. Some of the children hugged her or fist bumped on their way out and she smiled warmly at them as she waved and said goodbye. At first Izzie scanned right past Casey and then did a double take. Her face lit up and her surprised smile was breathtaking.

"Casey?!"

She walked over to Casey and wrapped her in a huge hug before kissing her quickly on the lips.

"What are you doing here?!"

"Isn't it obvious? I'm bringing you a slurpee and driving you home," Casey said nonchalantly, handing Izzie the drink. "Hey, what happened to your shirt?"

There was bright blue paint smeared all over the side of Izzie's polo shirt.

"Oh this?" Izzie pointed to it with mock outrage. "I had to break up a paint throwing contest during arts and crafts."

Casey winced dramatically as Izzie came to lean beside her on the railing. Their arms pressed up against one another.

"Thank you," she said, obviously touched that Casey was here.

"Oh, and remind me never to have children," Izzie sighed, taking a sip from her slurpee and turning to smile at Casey, squinting into the late afternoon sun which turned her dark eyes a light, golden brown.

Casey smirked and slung an arm around Izzie's shoulders.

"Baby, I promise I will never get you pregnant," she said with smooth, comical smugness, kissing Izzie on the forehead.

"Shut up," Izzie giggled, elbowing her in the ribs.

-- -- -- --

Many years later Casey flashes back to the irony of that promise as she waits, fearful and tense, in an all too familiar doctor's office. When the door opens she knows. Before the specialist even opens her mouth Casey can tell from her solemn expression... and the way all the oxygen has suddenly been sucked out of the room. The embryo implantation has failed... again. She cradles Izzie's head as she weeps.