A Court of Nightmares and Rejects

Chapter twenty two - Azriel's P.O.V

Feyre winnowed away the moment I pulled Ciana into the house. I felt numb, I felt tired to the bone. I'd just- I'd just killed her father, then got information on her brother and that piece-of-shit Anwir, and killed them, killed them all.

Just to come back and see someone else trying to harm my beautiful mate. 

"Az, are you alright?" Cia asked me, her voice dripping with concern. Why was she concerned about me? It should be the other way around, she's the one who tried to defend Tamlin, she's the one who was left in the dark for almost a whole century-

"Azzy, you're saying those thoughts through shadow." She whispered, stepping closer to cradle my cheek, her fingers warm against my face. All of my instincts stopped me from leaning into that palm, the room around us seeming quite boring, now.

"I am concerned for you, because I saw how my past has affected you. I saw- I saw you, I saw you kill my brother. And honestly? I don't mind. I should feel grief, but I don't, I am actually quite relieved. Tamlin is just a bitch, and I think we both know that, have you seen him able to disable someone of their weapons recently? He's a stick, I was just a bit alarmed and had forgotten that."

Even the speech hadn't calmed me, I just stared into those gold eyes, feeling myself sink into and get lost in them. Ciana sighed, her irises flicking as she glanced around the room, before dragging me gently behind her. I followed, and found myself seated beside her on a leather brown sofa.

"I worry about you," Ciana whispered, "Because... I can sense it. My shadows tell me every single time you look away from me, that your smile drops. That your mood worsens, that your eyes cloud with shadows. I worry for you because sometimes, I feel like you don't know what you're doing. Like, you're showing everyone how simple it is, but the same time your mentally asking yourself, Am I going to do this? Will it work? Or will everyone laugh? I know you're the quiet one, my shadows have told me you go silent, mumbling sometimes around others, and that long periods of time talking aren't your thing. But, you seem to talk a lot to me. You smile more, laugh more, your eyes lighten, and that makes me happy, truly." A shy smile on her face as she continued, a tad softer, "But, if me being around is making everything harder, I will leave, I can find something else elsewhere."

I don't need you to leave, that would be worse. I need you closer, I need you more than a friend. As a lover, possibly. As a mate, would make me happier than Rhys or Cassian ever have. I thought, but managed to keep the thinking out of my shadow's grasps.

"I'm sorry," I croaked, looking at my scarred hand, still entwined in her own, "Something- something bad always happens to my family. And I just can't take it. How so many people have destroyed their spirits, faith. Love. For once, those people who harmed you, weren't known to all of Prythian. Only the Court of Nightmares would notice, but no one would act upon it. I wasn't going to harm them, maybe give them a piece of my mind- but then you were having a mental breakdown. A panic attack, just by seeing your room. I couldn't. Take. It."

The only sound was my ragged breathing as I closed my eyes, bringing our hand to my forehead, "How broken down you have been, don't regret it. I was only going to get worse if I didn't know what happened. I would have just gone down in a spiral, of believing it was my fault. Some small, primal part of me wishes I could have destroyed Tamlin. But I think we both know that wasn't going to work. A High Lord slayed by someone lower ranked usually ends with war."

"Az, I love you." Ciana whispered, and I cut myself off from whatever I would of ranted off about next. "I- I'm in love with you." She clarified, a red tinge on her cheeks, slightly arched ears. "Also, we're... we're..."

"We're mates." I finished for her, my hand tightening around hers. You knew? She asked. I knew from the moment I first kissed you. I replied hesitantly, I don't want another person stolen from me by my actions, or just by being me.

"Are you alright, with being stuck with me?" Ciana questioned, her gaze meeting mine. I removed our hands from my head, and brushed my lips tenderly against her hand, "I am more grateful then you'd ever believe." I replied, "Nothing ever seems to go right for me."

"B-but, what about Elain, Gwyn or Mor?" She trembled, and I realised what lay in those words; envy. "Elain has moved on, as have I. Gwyn is my friend, nothing more. Mor has obviously proved she's not interested, and I got over that fact a few years ago." Raw pain tore at my chest, this whole time, she'd been worried she wasn't good enough; that I cared for someone else.

"You're better than anyone I've ever met, Ciana. I've never known I could love someone with my whole, wrecked heart like you. I've been stuck, in endless circles for the past three centuries. When I met you, that circle became a spiral, and when I met the bottom, I never knew I could be so happy." Ciana's eye glistened, and a little tear leaked down her rose cheeks, a trembling smile working onto her face. I immediately reached up my hand, carefully cupping her face to wipe it away, my calloused thumb's scars moving carefully against her soft skin.

"I've loved you for a long time, I've just grown so used to not saying anything-" I started, but Ciana acted first, winding her arms around my neck and pressing her lips to my own. It felt like electricity danced through my veins, like my heart burned with wildfire, and I kissed Ciana back, a little rumble escaping my throat as I sank my hands into the back of that bronze hair.

Ciana broke away in a pant, her breath wild, she managed to grit out, "Wait here, I'll be back in about thirty minutes." Thirty minutes? After finding out her feelings for me, how the hell am I supposed to survive without her?
Overbearing mother hen, indeed. I thought.

Cia pulled away, and strode out of the room- towards the kitchen of the townhouse.

My head roared, and my shadows immediately telling me exactly why she was going inside. How could my heart not ache from how much happiness I feel? I'd never felt this alive before, I'd never felt so joyous, never felt so wild and free with anyone. I'd meant every single word I'd said to Ciana, every. Single. Word.

And somewhere in my heart I could tell she meant it, too.

A/N:

Hello lovely readers !
Yaaaaaaaay !! It happened ! Matesssss !! Az is cured from whatever dark place he'd been in, and Ciana has proved how she feels about him !! I am so happy how this is going along, please do comment mistakes, opinions or if you're excited, because I love it !! I've got 634 views, 114 votes and 55 comments !!!! Thank you for healing my never ending depression !!!!

:DDD, vote and comment when you can, love ya xx

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