Semishira One-shots <3

"i hate the way i look"

Tw⚠️
Eating disorder

_________________________________________

Semi has always struggled with the way he looked.
Altought everybody wants to be like him, since he is so pretty and handsome and has a perfect body and an amazing hair.
But to him it wasn't like that, it didn't matter how many people complimented him he was already so obcessed with the control he felt he had that he couldn't stop.

He was always a skinny kid, who used to be underweight and told to eat more. But when he got to a normal weight everyone brought that up in conversations and it made him so unconfortable.
That eventually it led him into unhealthy habits such as starving or sometimes throwing up.

In the beggining yeah, he stopped eating to lose a few pounds but currently he doesn't eat because he is obcessed with the control and also because he is scared.
Yes, scared, over the last four years of his eating disorder he developed calorie asperger, so now he looks to the food and he only sees numbers and obviously it makes him so anxious that he can't manage to make himself eat.

It started one year before highschool but since when he went to highschool he was in shiratorizawa, living in the dorms it was easier not to eat without anyone realizing.
But of course after three years there basicaly everyone knows or at least has heard rumors about it.

Right now all of the team knows about and they all try to help Semi, specially Tendou and Shirabu.
Goshiki and Taichi would always vring little snacks made at home by themselfs so Semi wouldn't know what they were made if so he didn't know the calories. And he ate them sometimes not always but most of the days he tried to at least.
Reon, Ushijima and Yamagata would make him company at meal time so they knew he ate and also cause he revealed once he feels safer eating if somebody is there to support him.

But of course even with the effort of everyone he couldn't help himself and seeing that everyone was trying so hard for him and he just keep on getting worse and not better like he should was breaking him mentally and physically.

So he ate little portions in front of people and either throw it up or overworked himself and burned at least twice the calories he ate.

After like two months all the team who thought he was doing a little better started noticing that he lost weight again he wasn't even keeping the same.
He didn't had the energy needed for anything and he passed out pretty frequently, wich made him being already well known in the nurses office or somtimes even the hospital.

It was a tuesday afternoon and all the team was practicing, Semi was on the bench since the coach didn't allowed him to practice anymore it was too dangerous.
But still he didn't wanna feel useless so he helped by giving them their water bottles and those kind of little things.

The team made a break and he stood up to give the water bottles, but as he stood up he fell unconsious to the floor.

As they saw their friend falling they all run to help him, but since he wasn't waking up they called an ambulance.

The paramedics came and took him to the hospital, the coach told them to go rest and if they wanted and could go to the hospital see their friend.
As the coach said this Tendou and Shirabu shared a look. They imediatly knew what the other was thinking.

They dress up pick their things and start  running to the bus. When they got to the hospital the doctors told them he was already awake and in a stable condition.

Both of the boys were now walking to Semi's hospital room. They walked in at the same time, and the grey haired boy smiled as he looked to the door and saw his bestfriend and boyfriend both standing there. But they were not smiling and he knew why but wanted to light up the mood, so he decided to start a conversation.

"You guys can smile, him alright now, there is no need to worry"

"Semi as much as i love you we both know that what you just said is a lie. If you were alright you wouldn't have a feeding tube coming trough your nose right now" when Shirabu was saying this he felt the tears falling from his own eyes.

"Shira... please don't cry i know you are right in this situation but i promise you i'll be fine, and to you Tendou i also promise you i'll be okay"

"Semi, i really want to believe you i do, but we even talked to the doctors we already know you will have to stay here for at least two weeks" when Tendou said this he felt a burden in his chest it just hurted so much and now he too had tears in his eyes.

"Oh, that's... but well after that i will be back and better than ever"

"Eita! Just accept you are not ok we all did and it is ok, but tell us why are you doing this to yourself? Why can't you understand that you are slowly killing yourself " at this point Shirabu snapped he didn't want to but he couldn't help it he was crying harder trying not to scream and all that he had said. It hurt him he felt selfish, cruel, rude but it was the true and it was hard to accept but it was.

"I hate the way i look, Ok!" After that a big silence filled the room but it was cut of by Semi.

"I always did i used to be too skinny then too fat then i don't know i wanted to like myself just like everyone does and like everyone loves me. But i can't.
You don't even imagine how many nights i cried because i wanted a diferent body, one that i loved so that way there would be any problem and nobody would be concerned about me like you are right now.
But it's normal you don't understand and i'm thankfull you don't but i just can't do anything about it i will forever live like this and i don't wanna ruin your live i'm really sorry.
Now please go away i don't want you to see me like this, you too Tendou."

Both boys silently got to the door and step up of the room, it hurted leaving him like that but it was for the best.

"Why can't he just see himself the way i see him Tendou, why.
He is and as always been perfect i just wish he could see that i don"t know how to help him anymore"  both boys were right infront if Semi's door and he could hear everything wich just made him cry more and more.
But Shirabu as he said that he just hugged Tendou the strongest he could, at that time he just needed comfort it dind't matter by who, he just wanted to be held by somebody's arms and cry.

From inside the room that was now filled with sobs both boys heard "yeah, i wish i could see myself that way too".
And all the sobs continuing, wich just made Tendou and Shirabu crying even harder as they walked trough the dark and full of sadness hospital hallways, who led them to the exit.