7 𝘥𝘢𝘺𝘴 ~ dnf

five...

Five days...

I talked to Sapnap today.
I told him about my pain
and about the seven days.

Like me,
he was saddened to hear the news.
Because Dream is his best friend
and he too,
ascended to blue
when he found out
that seven days
was all true.

I told him how much guilt I was feeling,
and I asked him what I should do.
He said it was okay
that I was feeling so blue
and that I should not beat myself up
over the fact that I too,
can feel sad
like i do.

He cried
and Sapnap,
is never one to let a tear fall from his eye.
We weeped in each other's presence
and I talked about Dream's essence.
About how I love him
and about how I feel so grim.

He loves me,
Sapnap said.
Dream loves me back,
but Ialready knew that.
That was nothing knew to me.

He said
Dream wishes I would realize
that he's dying.
But truthfully,
I do.

I know Dream's dying.
I know.

I just simply cannot render
that fact
into my brain.
Because when I try,
it gets lost
and it doesn't know where to go.

Truth be told,
I really don't like that word.
Dying.
Because Dream
is dying.

Right in front of my eyes
and that is the worst thing of all.
The word "dying,"
simply brings horrid visions into my brain
and I wish to not see them.
For they are petrifying
and unholy.

It still feels so surreal.
Like this is just a bad nightmare
that i've yet to awake from.
But it's not.
It's all real life
and I am still living.
Just painfully so.

Sapnap looked like a doe
when he heard the news
that Dream was soon to go.
Everybody
is so upset.
It is not just me
but I can rightfully say,
that I feel so much worse than they.

Because Dream
unlike the others,
he is my boyfriend.

And they don't understand
how hurtful this is to me.
Or they do,
but just a few.
And they don't understand
how much this is going to hurt
when his death is due.

Because I love him,
god I do.

And i'll repeat that until the end of time,
just because I love him so much.
Because he is my morning dew,
the rainbow in my cloud,
the milk to my cereal,
the cream to my coffee,
the peanut butter to my jelly,
the frosting to my cake,
and the cherry on top of my sundae.

He is all of those things.
Just together
as one,
and as mine.

Dream,
is more than just a dream.
He is a gift
ascended from the heavens,
and brought down to earth.

He's so special in his own little ways.
Everything he does
just makes me want him more,
each and everyday.

I was already complete
when I first met him.
He just fills my life,
with so much color.
To go on without him,
just seems absurd.

The tears in Sapnap's eyes
made me fall apart even more,
than I already had.
Because it's not just me
Dream's death is going to affect
but his friends and family too.

Sapnap told me
that he wishes there was more he could do.
And he wishes
Dream's death didn't have to be so soon.
And he wishes,
that I didn't have to go through this
and that I was happy.

But,
i'm just not.

I think i've hit the point in life,
where i'm just done.

I cried,
I fought,
I tried.