Stars in Her Eyes {Wolfstar's Daughter}

Chapter 73: Hidden Scars

To say Harry was angry was an understatement. He wasn't angry with Nell, he was fairly certain that wasn't possible and definitely never would be again after last night. He wished she hadn't gone to Umbridge's office in the first place of course, but more than anything he blamed himself for that, for not being there to stop her.

All night he had stayed by her side and the moment she finally wakes up he wasn't there. He wasn't there.

She promised him it didn't matter, that it wasn't a big deal and it made sense for him to go and get them some food, but after what she went through last night, he never wanted her to wake up alone again.

He, like both Ron and Hermione, had made a habit of being there when she woke up every morning after a full moon. They had told Nell that they would be there when she first arrived in the hospital wing in the early hours of the morning but she had immediately dismissed that idea, assuring them it made much more sense for them to come at breakfast the next morning rather than dragging themselves out of bed.

Now Harry wasn't sure why he ever listened to that in the first place.

He never slept on the night of a full moon, so the lack of sleep from last night was no different to what he was used to. For as long as he could remember, he could never bring himself to rest without knowing Nell was somewhere, whether it be with him or somewhere else, resting soundly too.

So for years he spent the nights anxiously waiting to hear his Dad get home, holding his breath until he heard him get into bed as normal, signalling that nothing had gone wrong and everyone was safe. Then he could rest. Like a ritual, he waited for the door to open and close and for his father's head to hit the pillow.

Once they went to Hogwarts, he didn't sleep all night. There was no creaking of hinges or rustling of sheets to promise Nell's safety. Not a single sound or otherwise sign that she was okay. He had never known a feeling so heavy and unforgiving with its attack than uncertainty. As if a blunt blade of lead sat resting on his chest, slowly cutting through him with its dull weight, cutting deeper and deeper as the night went leaving him paralysed in the pain of not knowing.

And after last night, he wasn't sure how he was ever going to let Nell leave for a full moon again.

He had never been so angry at himself for not being there every second she had ever had stolen from her by the moon and yet also he had never felt so hopeless in easing her pain.

That was just it. He couldn't ease her pain. And as the blade of uncertainty carved its mark on his skin, that was the deepest wound of all.

By now Nell was home, well as home as Grimmauld Place would ever be. She had kept quiet as they made their way out of the gates of Hogwarts and quieter still when they landed on the street of endless terraced houses. Though her silence was partly to blame on the sudden apparation ripping her fragile body from where it stood with no ounce mercy.

Sirius, who was the one apparating with her, had given her as much warning as he could, knowing it was never pleasant, let alone after a full moon. But even that couldn't stop her needing to ease herself down to the gravel as they landed, resting her head on her knees for a minute as she waited for the nausea and throbbing of her head to subside.

"I'm sorry" her Dad said as he knelt down beside her, pulling the hair out of her face.

It was clear what he was apologising for wasn't as simple as her nausea, and though he may have intended to say one thing, Nell could sense his words weren't as shallow as the pool of sympathy, they were dripping with the depths of guilt.

They hadn't been there for her. They had never not been there for her.

Remus stood leaning against the metal fence next to them, watching his daughter with a look of immeasurable pain.