Fallen *Rosénali*

Eighteen

I walk back into my apartment building, toss my suitcase down next to my front door, and lay my body down across my couch. I take a minute to breathe before I text Rosé saying I'm home. I told Jan I was on my way, and she didn't answer, I'm guessing she's still mad at me. I don't think it was an emergency, mostly because no one else reached out to me. I'm guessing something maybe happened with Adore? I'm not so sure.

I hear her knock at my door. I push myself up off the couch and walk back to the door I just walked through. I open the door and see Rosés expression is rather, off. She looks sad, confused, and slightly happy at the same time. "Hey," she says. "Hi," I say, moving out of the door way to let her in. "How was Chicago?" She asks, walking in, avoiding all eye contact with me. "It was good, it was nice to see my family and Kahmora," I tell her, shutting the door. "That's good, I'm glad to hear that," she says, looking at me but also avoiding eye contact.

The room fills with a awkward silence. "So, why did you need me to come home?" I ask, finally breaking. She pauses, she looks like shes trying to think of what to say, and I can't help but wonder what's going on inside her head. "Why didn't you tell me what actually happen the night of Halloween?" She finally speaks. I freeze up and look to the counter, "I- I don't know what you're talking about." "Denali, I remember what happened," she lets out. I snap my head in her direction, my mouth wide open trying to get words out, but I can't speak.

"I remember kissing you, and how good it felt. I remember the feeling of the fire in my stomach and how much I didn't want to stop. I remember everything I said to you, and how much I meant it. I remember how Alex walked in on us," she goes on but starts to linger off. "I- uhm. I wanted to talk to you about it, but you didn't remember," I tell her. "You still could've told me, I wouldn't have freaked out or anything. I mean, I did because I wish I did," she says. "Why didn't you tell me, Denali?" She asks. I stare blankly at her, I feel so flustered and I don't know what to say.

"I didn't want things to change," I lie. "Or is it because you were afraid I didn't feel the same way, that I made a drunken mistake?" She asks. "What do you mean 'the same way'?" I ask her. "I heard you that morning, Nali. I heard you say 'I wish you felt the same way.' I didn't think anything of it, but now it's starting to make sense. When I kissed you while I was drunk, you kissed me back, sober," Rosé tells me. Shit.

"Nals, I'm very confused right now and you not speaking isn't making it better," she says. I nod and make my way to sit on the couch, taking deep breaths as I go because I know I can't cover this up anymore. "Well, how can I make you less confused without making a fool out of myself? Because I think we both know what is about to happen and I can't just, say it," I say nervously.

"How long have you had feelings for me? What are your feelings for me? Do you also get a fiery feeling every time I'm around you, and is it more than a best friend thing? And one more for now, did you and Alex break up because of me?" She finishes rattling off the list of questions, and I feel the pit in my stomach grow bigger.

"Rosé, I've been in love with you since the second I met you. How could I not? You are literally perfect. Your body, your face, your smile, voice, hair, everything Rosé. I wanted to make a move on you that night, but you were already with Eddie. I kept falling for you more and more but you never gave me a chance. I got with Alex to get over you, but clearly that didn't work. When you kissed me on Halloween, I had so much hope in my little heart that we could finally be something, and that's why I broke up with Alex. I thought I had a chance. But, you didn't remember, and I couldn't bring myself to that point again. You broke up with Eddie, and met Adore. The night at the club, I used Mik to make you jealous. Instead, I wanted to make myself feel better and I hooked up with Jan, and here we are. I was actually getting over you, but Jan and I both know that I don't feel the same for her as she does for me. Jan knows I still to this day have strong feelings for you, and thats why I went to Chicago, Rosé. I am so deeply confused right now, and I thought I had my mind figured out because you were so utterly clueless. Seriously, I threw myself at you for three years, dropped everything anytime you needed me, and you couldn't pick up on that. I was finally ready to be over you, but, here we are," I ramble out, not looking at her. There's a long silent pause, none of us know what to say. "Okay, that took a lot for me to tell you and I really need you to say something back," I say, feeling myself start to cry, but holding it back.

"When I saw you with Jan, I was jealous. I so wished that you were with me instead of her, as my best friend. But it wasn't a friend thing, Denali. I've felt this fire in me every time I'm around you, but I never really thought about it. I knew you were to good for Alex. You are smart, talented, kind, and so, so beautiful. You are so beautiful I feel like I could explode looking at you. That kiss, Denali, felt so right, and I didn't want it to end. I just wish I was sober, but apparently drunk me is the only one who really knows what's going on in my head," she says. She turns around to look at me, and follows me to the couch.

"So what are you saying?" I ask her. "I won't lie to you, I don't know what I'm saying or feeling right now. This has been a lot for me to process over the last few days, and you telling me this too is a lot to process. I thought everything I did and felt was merely because you were my best friend, but clearly it means something more," she finishes. I feel my heart thumping out of my chest. I can't get my hopes up, I can't let myself get hurt again.

"I need to get some sleep, and judging by the bags under your eyes, you do too," I tell her. I finally make eye contact with her through my glassy eyes. "We both have equal information now, and we both need to sleep on it. There's nothing else hiding, we both know how each other feel and we just need time," I say. She nods in agreement and stands up. I stand up to walk her out, and lead her out. "Let's talk in the morning?" She asks as she walks out the door. "Yeah, in the morning," I half smile before shutting the door.

I turn around and take one last deep breathe to calm myself. I can't believe this is all happening. If I wasn't already confused, this certainly didn't help me. Don't get your hopes up Denali, I repeat to myself through my shower and getting ready for bed.

I toss and turn all night, thoughts surrounding Rosé. I'm exhausted from the plane, and just want some sleep. I'm glad I know how shes feeling, but this still sucks. Screw it, I can't wait until tomorrow. I throw my covers off my body and make my way to my front door, tossing on some slippers in the process. I whip my door open to see Rosé waiting there, getting ready to knock. She looks up to me, locking eyes.

"Fuck," she whispers. Before I can react, Rosés hands are to my cheeks, and her lips are on mine. This feels even better than the first one. I'm kissing Rosé. I reach my hands up to her cheeks, leaving the door to fall behind us. Our lips mesh together and move in sync perfectly. Everything feels right in the world, as if we were the only two people to ever exist. She pushes me up against the wall behind me, as I run my hands through her hair. A heat rises in my stomach as something I've wanted for so long is finally happening.

I feel her pull away from my lips and I feel a touch of sadness. "Hi," she smiles. "Hi," I smile back. "This is um-" she starts. "Really great?" I ask. She smiles at me and nods again, before tackling my lips in more kisses, leading us back into my bedroom.