The Madonna, The Virgin, and The Whore

Chapter Nineteen

What was I doing? I knew Ian. He was the guy who bedded half the cheerleading squad while I was playing house with Matt. He was the guy all the girls cried about in the bathroom while I was blissfully going steady. And he was the guy who apparently got Kaitlyn Bart pregnant his senior year right after I had just given my virginity to the one and only guy I'd ever slept with.

Ian Malcolm wasn't the way to mend a broken heart. He was the way to crush it to pieces.

And now I was supposed to walk into his office for our final meeting and pretend like everything was normal. And everything was normal a few days ago when Ian had called and told us that one of us needed to come by his office. He said he just had to explain a few final things about the estate, get one last signature, and then everything would be settled. I guess it was just assumed that I'd be the one going; Erin, Lexi and I never talked about it. But now with Erin incapacitated and Lexi...Lexi, I didn't really have any choice; the job fell to me.

But I really didn't want to see Ian. Things had shifted between us last night, but I wasn't sure what that meant. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to know.

He stayed with me for a lot longer than I expected last night, resting his chin on the top of my head and just talking with me. Each question he asked made me more and more comfortable with him, but that voice reminding me of the reasons why he should leave, stayed present in my head the entire time.

When he asked me what I liked best about journalism I paused for a minute before realizing that I didn't have a solid answer for him. The truth was I never really was that passionate about it. I had no idea what to major in and I remember Matt jokingly suggesting broadcast journalism, telling me I could be just like that hot, female ESPN reporter he loved so much and I could interview him on the field after all of his games. It all started as a joke really. But since I had no idea what I wanted to study anyway and, thanks to Matt knew everything about football, I declared sports journalism my major and never looked back. It was stupid of me, but I wasn't focused on me.

I rested my head back against Ian's neck and closed my eyes, embarrassingly admitting to him that I wasn't sure if I liked it at all. He let out a silent laugh and I could feel his throat vibrate underneath me, as he told me how he got into law just because of his father.

"It was always just assumed that I was going to be a lawyer. Hell, I was telling people that I was going to grow up to be a lawyer before I actually even knew what a lawyer was." He laughed again only this time it was a little louder and I smiled, picturing what his face must look like. I fought the urge to turn around and see if I was right, but I was too comfortable sitting here like this with him to do it.

"Right before college I had a little freak out. I spent the first two years taking classes like Great Books of World War II and Japanese Culture. My dad was pissed. I wouldn't declare a major and basically just partied my ass off." He let out a deep sigh. "And then he died."

I could now relate to his pain and knew exactly how he felt without him having to say anything. No matter what your relationship with your parent was like, when they're no longer were with you, all you're left with is regret. I thought about dad and all the times I could've pushed harder, demanded more from him, but never did.

"I pretty much buckled down after that," Ian continued. "I got my head together, started doing pre law, and getting serious about it. I was kind of surprised when I actually ended up enjoying it." He lets out another laugh. "Now I think it doesn't really matter how I got here-- if I was groomed for it, or if it was by choice, because I'm actually kind of happy with where I ended up."