Some Things Cannot Be Fixed, They Can Only Be Carried

Chapter 8) Challenges; We'll Be Facing Lots Of Them

I take a deep breath and start eating again. The food doesn't even taste delicious anymore, even though mom always makes the best pancakes ever. Instead it tastes bitter and makes me nauseous, but it could also be the fact that I'm lying to my siblings about something as important as this.

"What was that about?" mom asks me when we're all eating dinner and Ren and Ran are upstairs, taking hours to simply get the gifts they made for me; nothing I'm not used to, though.

I shrug, grabbing a towel to help her dry off the dishes. "I don't want to ruin their day."

"You know we're going to have to tell them some day, right?"

"I know." I stack the clean dishes I've dried on top of each other. "Just not yet."

What I don't tell her is that I don't want their happy-go-lucky world to shatter just yet. Having your reality torn to shreds is early enough when you're eighteen, like me, but they're just way too young. I don't want to inflict that hurt onto them, that's why I'll stall for as long as I can.

"We're back!" Ren cheerfully shouts when he and his sister walk through the door, carrying a big present with the two of them. The smiles on their faces cheer me up a little bit; that's why I don't want those happy smirks to turn sad just yet.

One more day. I tell myself. I'll pretend that everything's alright for one more day.

"Wow!" I shout, smiling wide as I run at Ren and Ran with their big, heavy-looking gift. "That's huge!"

As soon as they put down the box, I lift my younger sibling up both at once, hugging them tightly. They're giggling, laughing even, and that's all I need to make myself feel better. Even if it's just for one morning, even if I won't hear laughter after today, I'm thankful that for one moment that I'm allowed I feel normal and actually somewhat happy again.

I feel actual smiles tugging at the corners of my mouth as I unpack the presents they gave me. I laugh for real when jokes are being made and when mom serves lunch around twelve, I enjoy the food.

But as soon as the clock displays one in the afternoon, the fun and games are over.

I get up from the table. "I have to start packing my stuff." I glance at all the presents I got; books, movies, notebooks and pencils from Ren and Ran. But also things like a Hoover, cooking pans and other stuff to run the household; that's what mom and dad got me. I all have to take it to my new home, which means I can use the big carton box that held all of the gifts.

Ran asks me why I have to leave so early, because in her imagination we'd be spending the entire day with the five of us. We talked about it yesterday, that I would only be here in the morning, but she must've forgotten. So I remind her, "I'll be moving out today, remember?"

"And he's visiting Haruka," Ren adds almost right after; he didn't forget that.

Ran nods, she clearly also remembered, but that doesn't mean she likes that I'm leaving. This she makes very clear once I've put all my gifts in the back of our car. Ran just suddenly started hanging from me, tugging at my sleeve and yanking at my arm. "You will visit often, right?"

When I look down at my little sister, there are tears in her eyes. I tousle her hair and tell her that, of course, I will visit. "And when you don't have school, you can come over for the night as well."

She smiles and nods. "Promise?" She sticks out her hand with only her pinky out.

"Promise." I wrap my pinky around hers and shake it.

"Will you also promise you'll be alright on your own?" Ren asks, when he sees that I'm giving his sister a pinky-promise. Yet, his promise is a lot harder to fulfill; I know I'll have a hard time being alright, but in the end I do end up giving him a pinky-promise as well.