Apathy

16| Father-Daughter

• • •

Stop letting your past mistakes define you, Stop letting them cloud your judgment

I was still repeating my wife's words. I finally decided to go and talk to Astraea. I made my way to her room and knocked on the door, when I heard a faint 'come in' i opened the door and entered.

Looking around her room, I noticed that it was unusual messy. Her clothes were lying around on the floor, a box of eaten pizza was on her bed, papers were spread on her desk, and you can find a pair of shoes or a makeup utility everywhere you look.

It was really weird. Astraea usually likes to keep her bedroom clean and organized.

"Hello Bambina" I greeted her, she nodded in acknowledgment. Her eyes weren't the same as they were yesterday, dead and red-puffy making it obvious that she has been crying. But now her eyes were back to the same cold, emotionless ones that I looked at when I first saw her after years of being deprived of her presence.

"so, um—" she started awkwardly, looking at me expectantly. I cleared my throat "Yeah, I wanted to talk about yesterday" I said, and then mention for her to sit as I took a seat next to her "I know that you were having a bad day– and I won't ask why, but you came back drunk, really drunk. And that was wrong. I know that I said you can drink but I also said in moderation and responsibly. You were reckless and irresponsible. What if something happened to you, you weren't in the right mind to defend yourself. And we didn't know where you stormed off to. There was no one to protect you or help you. We could have lost you and we can't afford that— not again. We just got you back"

I don't know if I was being harsh on her, but what she did was unacceptable. She cannot leave and don't inform us about her location then come back in the middle of the night drunk as fuck. We were worried sick, I had sent a man searching for her and when they didn't find her, we thought the worst. We have many enemies who would do anything to hurt us, she could have gotten kidnapped again. What would we have done then?

"I know, I know. I am sorry" she muttered, looking away, suddenly finding her grey walls very interesting "I– yesterday was just a day that brings back memories and I was overwhelmed, I couldn't handle my emotions. I am sorry, I know it was wrong and irresponsible. I won't do it again" she promised, I didn't miss the cracking in her voice.

My eyes softened and I bought her in my embrace "it is okay, baby girl, It's okay. I am here now" I whispered, kissing the top of her head while playing with the tip of her soft brown hair

A S T R A E A

After Vince came to my room and we talked, he asked if he could take me somewhere and I said yes curious about where he was planning on taking me. I strangely didn't regret showing a bit of vulnerability to him. And that scared me because I realized that I starting to warm up to them.

what if they hurt us?

what if they betray us?

But also what if they will love us unconditionally?

what if they will be the missing part that we have been longing for?

so many questions, so many doubts

I am now sitting with my biological father in a park— yes a park. You know the place kid plays at. Yeah, we are there eating ice cream.

"I used to take you here all the time when you were little" Vince said, breaking the silence. A small smile appeared on his face as he seems to be traveling back in time" we would eat ice cream and watch the other kids play. When I asked you why you don't play with others, you replied with 'daddy I would much rather spend time with you, than with those dumb kids' you were always smart for your age and never really like people. You were very reserved still are, you only allow the people you want to see who you truly are. For the others, they see what you want them to see" he continued