Scared

Chapter 22

Being John's boyfriend wasn't always easy.

John was often in need of comfort and Paul knew he was some form of caretaker.
He knew it, he knew John wasn't going to be completely self-sufficient.

Paul was ready to take care of him forever; he knew John loved him and he loved him too.

But now, John was really needing someone to take care of him.

The exams, all the CT Scans and overall John's general condition weren't great.
The pressure in his brain was steady, they were all scared about John's brain slowly suffocating and growing weaker because of it.

John was in pain if not sedated and even when he was awake, he wasn't really in a coherent state.

Paul looked down into the bed, where John was motionlessly laying in.

How he missed him running around. Memories of the night they went out to see the fireworks together flashed into his mind, sending him into a nostalgic mood.

It had been magical. Paul remembered how John's eyes had lit up at the sight of the colourful sparkles and how they made love afterwards.

Though, that night was probably the first time John's symptoms had shown themselves.

All his aches, his cries, his constant nausea. Paul should have seen it.

He knew Mimi also blamed herself for not having noticed it sooner. But they both knew it wasn't their fault.

"His condition has existed since childhood" had explained Dr.Amelia Shepherd, as she eyed the two sadly.

Paul looked down at his hands, sighing softly. The sun had long since gone down and the two of them were still at the hospital.

Since Mimi was a nurse, they have permitted her to stay in John's rooms, bringing two cots for her and Paul to sleep in during the rather long hospital stay.

"How it wasn't visible and he didn't show any symptoms?" Mimi asked meekly, exhausted from the long day.

The whole situation had stressed her so much. She was barely sleeping, eating bland hospital food and taking care of John almost constantly.

She was professional just like a nurse, but also cared for John like a mother; and she was, she was John's only maternal figure he ever had.

"These things can sometimes take a long time to show," explained the younger woman. She was sympathetic. Poor woman, she had to go through hell with her nephew pretty much his whole life.

She could also see how much Paul loved him. He could have gone away when he learnt of the possible diagnosis and yet, he stayed.

Not even for pity, but for love.

"Is there anything we can do?" asked Paul. Sure, John was on therapy with a big intake of antibiotics and cures, but he wanted his boyfriend to get better and Amelia couldn't blame him.

She sighed deeply, blue eyes taking in their worn-out faces, "Just be there for him. He needs all the love and affection he can get" she was disappointed she couldn't give them more information about what was happening.

She, just like them, only knew that the brain tissue had been deteriorating slowly, imperceptible.

A bit today, a bit the day after, until the damage was big enough to cause serious damage.

She had studied hard all the scans done throughout the years, as John needed to do them yearly in order to actually know how mentally behind he was and if he was improving, and yes, she could see some changes, but it was also true that he had been growing.