Heaven and Hell Start With the Same Letter (Frerard AU)

22

"Frank?"

I look up at the nurse motioning for me to comer over. Gerard sends me a smile, and nudges me to get up. I walk over, eyes trained on my feet.

"Yeah?"

"Your mom dropped this letter off for you."

My breathing stops.

"W-what?"

"Your mom mailed this to us for you."

I grab it slowly from her outstretched hands, and when it's firmly in mine, I want to drop it on the floor as if it was covered in poison. The nurse turns around and walks out of the room. I return to my seat next to Gerard.

"What is it?", he asks.

"My mom sent me a letter."

*

"T-That's great!", he says, kissing me on the cheek.

But after a few seconds of my silence, he adds, "Right?"

"I'm only getting better because you're here."

"That's not true. You've been participating in group, and you've been talking to the doctors more, too. And you take your meds, and the voices haven't been attacking you for a while. That's the definition of getting better here."

"You don't understand though, I can't go back there. I can't go back to the house Tom died in, I can't go back to the house I almost died in, and I can't go back to the person who gave up on me in the first place. I just can't, it'll be too much."

I bite my lips, trying to subside the urge to cry. I don't want to cry infront of Gerard, not right now, not when he sees me as this strong person who's capable of recovering.

"It's not a right away thing. They're not discharging you right away. They're just saying that if this continues, you can leave."

"I don't...I don't want to."

"Why not?"

"Cause I don't want to risk it, and...and I don't want to leave you. I won't be able to handle it, no matter how much medication and therapy they give me."

Gerard sighs, sitting down next to me, setting an arm around my shoulder. He takes the letter that's clutched in my hand, a little crumpled from my grasp, and sets it down on the floor.

"You'll get better, I know you will. You weren't born with this, ok? You suffered a lot of shit and trauma, and that's why you are the way you are right now. But they're helping you, as much as I hate them, they're doing a good job. You have a good therapist, Dr. Urie, and he's definitley better than the other one. Plus he finally got them to switch your meds, and they're finally working too.

And, I wasn't going to tell you this yet, but they're thinking about discharing me soon. Like a lot sooner than -"

I look up at him with worried eyes. I'm happy for him, I really am, he shouldn't be locked up here, but I'm so scared of being left alone. I'm so scared of being here without him.

I start panicking, drawing in quick breaths. He rubs my shoudler, trying to calm me down.

"Frankie, it's ok. I'm not leaving you, ok? I promise I won't do that, and I wouldn't want to either. It's just, they can't keep me here any longer. But I've been thinking about this for a while, and we were bound to leave this place sooner or later, and I've been talking to this old friend of mine who's willing to give me a job at his record store-"

"You've been talking to a friend?"

"Yeah, his names Ray, and I didn't want to tell you yet because of the next part. He said he's willing to give me a place to stay, and a job until I can get a place of my own. His dad owns this apartment complex and he can give me really low deals, which means it'll only take me a few months before I can get out on my own. And I was going to ask you if you wanted...to move in with me after they discharge you. I was going to wait until they told you when they were thinking about letting you out."