Newt/Thomas Brodie Sangster One Shots and Imagines

12) The Safe Haven Pt.1 (Fluff) Newt

  (Before: Thomas did work for WCKD but Teresa does not exist. It will not affect the storyline that much because this is mainly about Newt and Y/N, but just keep that in mind. Also, this chapter may be triggering. Do not do anything listed!)

    (Y/N's POV)

    Now that we were at the Safe Haven and away from the Maze, I was almost broken. I hadn't smiled, laughed, or even really talked to anybody here. We had just arrived about a few hours ago. They let us shower and get ready for dinner, and I just felt tremendously sad and unlike myself. I mean, deep down I always felt like this, but I don't know what to do, really.

   Seeing Chuck, a person I had sworn to protect since day one, a person that was my friend, and a person I promised would get out with us, murdered right in front of me. If only Gally had stayed in the Maze.

   We were in our room for about a couple minutes until the guards came to take us to eat. I was on the top bunk of a bed I shared with Newt, who was my friend. I knew he knew what I was feeling, and he hadn't pressured me into talking about it just yet. I also had feelings for him but I didn't need to tell him. Not now. There wasn't enough time for relationships when I felt like I was absolutely destroyed. It was stupid anyway. I hate my feelings.

   I was on the bed and swinging my legs (careful enough and with the bed high enough where I wouldn't kick Newt) and brushing my hair. Everyone else chattered and got excited for the fact that they were here. We had good food (Frypan's was good too, but you know what I mean), nice beds, hot water, etc. My hair was neatly (your normal/favorite hairstyle), and I set my brush down next to me before some staff members came in to lead us to the cafeteria.

   One moved their head to signal to follow them and hopped off of their beds to go. Everyone was walking out and I just stared. Newt turned and noticed I still wasn't coming.

   "Come on, love."

   He jogged over to my bunk and waited for me to jump down to join them. I put my head down as they led us through the halls.

   Newt walked by my side the whole way and stole glances at me. I still didn't feel like talking even though I felt that he wanted me to talk to him. After what happened to Gally, what happened to Chuck, and seeing those inhuman creatures when we were escorted here, it was a lot to take in for me. Sure, I was always one of the stronger ones back in the Glade that kept morale high when others were sad, but this really took a toll on me. Even though Gally was mean to others, he had become my close friend when he showed his good side. Chuck was like the little brother I never had. I was feeling terrible still. I even had suspicions about this place, which didn't help me relax at all.

  When we arrived in the cafeteria, I saw tables of other kids and some waiting for food still. Most of the other kids were girls.

   We joined the line of girls and got a tray from a place that was by the front of where you would go in to get the food. They put different varieties of food on our plates. We walked out and sat down at a table together, with me next to Newt of course, and they started talking.

   "Look at this food! Fry, they have you beat!" Minho joked. Frypan rolled his eyes, but the rest of the group except me laughed at it. "Yeah... but let's talk about the girls!"

   I almost instantly choked on my food. I got it together before anyone could really notice. I eyed the other girls with a look of envy. I don't want to sound stuck up, but I was their girl. The original girl that taught them about girls, and now, having so many at their disposal made me feel like I was now nothing to them. Something that made me feel remotely special was gone. I know I shouldn't have to feel special, but being their kind of... mod of a girl made me happy. Now... I felt like nobody.

   "You see that brunette on the end?" Winston whistled.

   "Yeah, she's alright... but not as hot as that blonde!" Minho exclaimed.

   Some of the girls looked their way and the boys made stupid flirty faces at them. The girls looked like they were amused at the situation but they didn't care.

   A guy from another group started gossiping with them about how there was this one guy in there with the rest of them. He was off at his own table, looking pretty distant and shady, but the guy speaking thought he won the lottery.

   "Some boys have all the luck, huh? We only ended up with Y/N."

  That comment stung. Only got me? Did they wish they got more girls or just that I wasn't the girl that should've been sent up? I felt tears start to rise up, but I pushed them back down. I didn't care about this anymore. I didn't care that all of the boys, including the one I like, were staring at the other girls here.

   When we were done, we were led back to our room. The guards left us there and locked the door. During the dinner, Thomas also came back from wherever he was and ate with us for the remaining half of dinner. When we came in, I immediately went to my bed. I lay down and just stared at the wall. I felt so much pain in that moment. Everything that had happened today was too much for me to handle. Newt looked at me sadly while he watched a single, silent tear roll down my cheek and disappear into the mattress.

   I didn't talk to anybody when they all said "Goodnight" to each other and turned out the lights. I pulled my blanket over me. I tried to close my eyes and fall asleep but it wasn't working. I was too traumatized. Every time I closed my eyes for more than a blink, I could see Chuck with blood pooling out of him, Gally with a spear in his chest, and zombie things coming at us and screaming.

   I buried my head in the pillow in frustration. The pillow became wet with my tears. I then eyed the bathroom. I sat up and looked around at everyone. Everyone seemed to be asleep, so I quietly got off the bed and headed in the direction of it. I tiptoed all the way there and opened the door. I closed it silently and immediately turned on the lights. I looked at my reflection.

   My usually (s/c) skin was faded and there were bags underneath my eyes. My eyes were red-tinted. I ran a hand over my face and splashed a bit of water on it. I leaned on the counter and just stared at myself. My eyes were a bit... soulless? The eyes of someone who was in pain?

   I shook my head and my eyes landed on something. A metal nail file. I looked at myself again. No. I couldn't. I shouldn't. They would notice.

    I thought of all the things that had happened for the millionth time. The boys, the creatures, the girls, and Newt. I shook my head once again but my eyes drifted back to it. I found myself reaching for it and holding it up to eye level. I ran my fingers over the top. It was somewhat sharp.

   The angel and devil on my shoulders both fought, and eventually, evil won. I shook my arm to allow the sleeve to fall down. I looked at my smooth skin in the mirror. I lay my arm on the counter and pressed the file against it. I felt the cold, harsh metal on my warm skin and thought. I decided to do it. I felt nothing. I had to feel something.

   I pressed it deeper and moved it along the curves of my wrist. I winced. I watched blood flow from the now open skin. It dropped down onto the counter, and I removed the file. I felt something. It made me feel a bit less terrible.

   I did it a few more times until it looked like I was clawed by an animal multiple times. I cleaned up the blood and pulled my sleeve back down. I headed to bed.