I've been having sleepless nights since I've spoken to Beyonce. It feels good for her to know, but I'm not sure what to do anymore other than "take it slow".
I've never dated anyone ever, so I'm completely lost.
The fuck does take it slow mean?
Are we or are we not?
Is this something worth losing sleep over?
Why am I so fucking restless?
Am I coming down with something?
Am I gonna wake up with some sort of cold?
My phone vibrates and flashes on my dresser across the room. My phone nearly falls onto the floor. I sit up almost immediately.
I guess it's a way to get out of my ruminating thoughts.
I answer my phone with closed eyes since the light is harsh.
"Sup."
"Hey, Nicki."
Beyoncé sounds panicked. Worried is an understatement. She recently moved out and is on her own. Is she in some sort of danger? Must be why I couldn't sleep.
"Um... um-- um - um." She sobs.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
I hear her sniffling and her shaky breath,"Um... a nightmare."
I take a sigh of relief but my concern for Beyonce is still present. Wish I could be physically there to comfort her.
"Okay, well I'm right here. What do you want me to do?"
"Just keep talking. I'm home alone and I just--" she breaks into a few more sobs. "I need someone on the phone with me."
"Yeah, of course I can stay here." I adjust myself in my bed.
Beyonce lets out a few more sobs. Whatever she saw in the dream must've shaken her up quite a bit.
I've learned after a childhood of consoling crying people that letting them cry it out before trying to get any words out of them, tends to work best. The message is a lot clearer, I've found.
So that's what I do. Let her cry. But the mediator in me wants so badly to know what's wrong. I just wanna help her. I can't do much until she talks to me.
Should I even ask? What if she doesn't wanna touch on it?
Once her crying subsides, she clears her throat and lets out an ugly cough.
My chest clenches in a painful way. Never in my life did I think I would get the opportunity to feel this way for and about someone.
"It was my overdose." she says quietly.
For a second, I thought I misheard. I loathe memories from that day. Don't ever want to see her like that again.
"Your dream?"
"Yeah." she says after sniffling. "The crying, not really being able to move. Felt like I had sleep paralysis for a second. Nicki, it felt so horrible."
She almost racks up into sobs again.
"You're okay now, Bey. I promise. That was months ago."
"I know. I don't wanna do drugs or any of that shit again."
"I know. You won't."
"Felt so horrible." She begins to sob again.
I sit on the phone for what felt like hours but was actually 20 or so minutes. Feels like hell hearing Beyonce's cries and not being able to engulf her in my arms and care.
"I need you." she cries out.
"Want me to come over?"
"Please. I don't wanna be alone. I need you. I need you. If you can, please come."
I don't need to be told twice. I get up and slip some slippers and a light jacket on and try to get to Beyonce as quick as I can.
____________
"I'm here! I'm here!" I half shout and knock on her apartment door.
Within seconds, the scared girl is opening the door with tear stained cheeks and dark eyes. My heart has already been shattered and beat down though several layers of the earth.
"I'm here." I keep saying as I hold her and shut the door.
I pull away for a moment and wipe her tears.
"Sorry if I woke you up and incon---"
"Beyonce, it's fine."
I would've still stayed up regardless. Probably would've added a few more restless nights to my week out of worry.
Her breaths are quick and erratic.
"Wanna sit down, stand up, whatchu wanna do?" I ask as I move her hair to the side.
"Sit down." She says shakily.
"Okay, where?"
She leads me to her couch and I hold her at an angle while she fixes her breathing up a bit. My feet slightly dangle off of the couch but Beyonce keeps me anchored enough, I know I won't fall.
I run my hand up and down the back of her neck and her shoulder. The movement slightly calms me too. I lightly bury my face in her wild honey, dirty blonde hair.
Soon, I find Beyonce's breath evening out and my consciousness going away.
The first time I've gotten a lick of rest in a while.
___________
Nobody:
These MFs a couple of chapters later:
ओह! यह छवि हमारे सामग्री दिशानिर्देशों का पालन नहीं करती है। प्रकाशन जारी रखने के लिए, कृपया इसे हटा दें या कोई भिन्न छवि अपलोड करें।
