Running • Iggy

Shouldn't

I realized the others weren't there, and relaxed ever so slightly. "Idiot, where did the others go?" I asked, leaning my back on the wall. Iggy rubbed his forehead as he stood up, walking straight over to me. "Who cares?" He mumbled, wrapping his strong arms around my waist.

I, surprisingly, managed to keep myself together enough to speak. "Igs, I kinda want an answer." I cleared my throat nervously as his cool hands brushed my bare lower back so lightly it could've been my imagination. "Out, Gazzy's swimsuit was too small." His blue eyes were somehow warm and cold at the same time, sending shocks through my system. "God, you look hot." He mumbled.

I knew I was probably blood-red tomato at this point, but I pretended I didn't understand. "Well, it is kinda warm in he-" I was cut off by his infectious little smile, this time is was flirtatious. "Y'know, I should probably start asking for permission before I kiss you." He tilted his head, his flirtatious grin still in his voice. "Then again, you've never asked me."

I don't know what got into me, or if it was more welcome than the opposite reaction I usually had with this kind of situation, but I shoved his chest. The bad part, I misjudged my strength. He stumbled back a few feet before falling over, hitting his head against the opposite wall. Horror struck through me so fast it was almost like a lightning bolt. "Oh god, I'm so so-

"Forget it." He sounded genuinely upset as he stood up and brushed his jeans off. I tried to fight them off as he walked out of the room, but tears began spilling down my face. I didn't want to hurt him, or to upset him.

I was so confused. On the one hand, I longed for him. I wanted to be by his side, I wanted to kiss him and hold his hand without feeling weird and wrong. I wanted to go on dumb dates with him like a normal kid. I just wanted him.

And then on the other hand, I knew it was wrong. Those feelings scared me because I knew they were wrong. I shouldn't feel that way towards Iggy, I shouldn't feel that way towards my best friend. In all honesty, I didn't feel like I should feel that way towards anyone. I didn't feel like I deserved to feel that way.

I fell to my knees, sudden insecurity and doubt making me feel so weak and alone. I continued to cry as I curled up, still sitting on my knees. I needed to put an end to this, I needed to stop this all before Iggy found out... even if it meant pissing him off to the point where he couldn't stand to be around me.

I stood up, pulling myself together before stepping out of the room. I found the others fairly quickly, but kept my distance from Iggy. We walked down to the beach and set everything up by the water, on a sandy small hill so the tide wouldn't wash up and get any of our stuff wet. Fang sat on one of the towels under our umbrella, and I sat on the other one. Iggy had ran down with Nudge, Gazzy, Max and Angel to play in the water. I couldn't stop myself from staring at him, which made me feel like a pervert.

"You're drooling." Fang said, looking over his book at me. I flinched and brought my hand to my mouth. I wasn't drooling, thank you very much. "Figuratively, I mean." Fang corrected himself.

"What are you reading?" I made a desperate attempt to change the subject. Fang tilted the cover so I could see the title. Heroes Of Olympus : The Mark Of Athena.

"Isn't that the one where Percy and Annabeth meet each other again?" I asked curiously. Fang nodded, and I leaned over to see the page he was on. Fang shifted so I could sit next to him and read as well. We spent most of the early day reading, until it was lunchtime. Max had packed us sandwiches and put them in a cooler, so everyone ran back up the hill and chatted away as they ate. I didn't touch the food, I didn't have much of an appetite.

"Hey, Cee?" Iggy sounded normal again, he didn't seem upset anymore. "What?" I snapped, not even looking at him. I could feel the confusion coming from the flock, but Iggy continued shortly after. "Aren't you going to eat?" He asked, slightly more defensively this time.

"No." I said coldly. He didn't even miss a beat. "Why not? You feel sick or something?" I could feel him about to put his hand on my shoulder, and no matter how much I wanted him to, I slapped it away. "Stop prying." I growled.

"Okay, what's gotten into you?" Iggy asked, suddenly sounding more serious. "You're pissing me off, that's what." I suddenly stood up and began walking off, but Iggy had caught my wrist after a few steps. "Nu-uh. Don't think you're getting away, something's wrong."

"You're so annoying." I hissed, tugging my wrist away. I couldn't bring myself to look him directly in the face, but I could see the both hurt and angered expression on his face from the corner of my eye. "Okay, what the hell have I done to you? As I recall, I did nothing bu-"

I turned and walked off before he could finish his sentence. I heard him get up and try to come after me, but someone must have stopped him. When I was finally out of sight, I found myself a shaded area on the top floor of a parking lot building and just sat there. From up there, I could see the flock playing in the water and messing around. A few people came up to me to see if I was okay, and I just lied and said I was waiting for a friend to pick me up.

I stayed up there the entire day until the sun was set. The group must've headed back to the hotel at around 5pm and it was now midnight. I hoped they were asleep, I didn't want to have to answer questions when the kids were sleeping.

I punched the code into our hotel door and quietly opened it, I was met with the ceiling light blinding me due to the contrast from outside and inside. Fang was lying with his back on the floor, staring up at me absently as Max sat on a chair and Iggy sat on the floor next to her. The younger 3 were asleep, Gazzy and Angel on the bottom bunk and Nudge on the top bunk.

Iggy got up slowly and gently set his hand on my shoulder. "What's up, sweetheart?" He asked very quietly. Now that I had the idea of getting mad at him to fight back my feelings, my brain latched on to that and refused to let to. "Don't touch me." I slapped his hand away, stepping away from him. Iggy's expression tightened. "Right, what am I not getting here? You were the one who pushed me earlier. Was it something I did? Did I say something wrong?" He sounded almost desperate. It hurt me.

"Yeah, you've been getting on my nerves. Back off, would you?" I sounded angrier than I meant to. I didn't like it when Iggy got mad, but here I was, facing his sudden anger. "I don't get it. You're so confusing sometimes, one second you're fine and the next you're acting like this." He gestured to me, and I suddenly felt like I was 3 inches tall and as weak as a newborn puppy. "I can't stand this, you're driving me insane. You try to act strong and courageous, but if you had been strong then Nudge wouldn't have been taken an-"

Suddenly, Iggy was on the floor with a rapidly bruising eye and cheek and a bloody nose, and I was standing over him. Suddenly, my brain caught up with my actions and I stumbled back. Max was at Iggy's side in a heartbeat, and Fang was standing between me and Iggy in a heartbeat more. Iggy groaned quietly, and I suddenly doubled over and almost threw up my entire stomach's contents. I probably would've if I had eaten that day. I hurt him. I hurt him. I hurt him again. I didn't mean to... I didn't... I...

"Get... Out." Max growled slowly. "Now... Co-"

I didn't even wait for her to finish, I just ran out the door as fast as possible and didn't look back. No. No... No no no no... I didn't... I didn't...

I was staring at the featureless faces of my flock as they pointed at me and called me a monster. I watched as they ran away, laughing and jeering at me.

My fault. I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have done it. I shouldn't have pretended to be mad. I shouldn't have yelled at him. I shouldn't have pushed him.

I took off, flying in no particular direction.

Idiot. Monster. Worthless.