Web of Lies

5

Danielle's POV:

THE cool wind biting my skin awoke me from the trance I was in. Blinking a couple of times, I took in my surroundings, the orange sky, the park bench I was sitting on, and the still overcrowded city. The noise of the people travelling down the street, the sound of talking and laughter between them bouncing off the shops lining either side.

I must have zoned out at the noise, the relaxing feeling that people were nearby, and nothing could happen to me. It's just soothing in general, the sound, it had a calming sense to it. It's comforting to know that no matter how bad my state is, you can put me in overcrowded loud places, and I will feel at peace.

It's not like I like talking to anyone, I just don't like the silence. It makes me feel so isolated and abandoned. I could be surrounded by people but be in complete silence and I would feel completely alone.

Silence makes you turn on yourself. It makes you fight inside your own brain, two different sides saying two different things. The attack always wins the battle.

Silence allows more destructive thoughts to creep into my mind, take over my senses, and fully control me. Creating a false sense of security, making me feel like what I'm doing is the right thing.

I know it isn't. I know that hurting yourself willingly, whether it be physically or mentally, is not right. But I can't stop. I can't stop the words from coming, I can't stop them from breaking down my barriers, I can't stop them from ripping me apart.

It's not only the words they said that echoes inside my head, but also those I create myself, the ones they failed to pick up on and pull me apart with are the ones I recognise the most.

Sure, they like to bash me around a bit, but words are their chosen weapon. They know they do the most damage. They know they stay the longest. They know that if they get embedded into your head enough, you will start believing them yourself.

I look up at the sky again and see the beautiful streaks of colour painted across it, the redness blending into the rooftops and the orange slowly fading into the yellow that envelops the rest of the sky.

Realising how long I was lost in the noise, I picked myself up off the bench and started walking back to the house, going over scenarios in my head in case I misjudged how drunk my dad had been.

Hunger settled in my stomach, reminding me that I hadn't eaten since yesterday lunch. My eyes trailed over a small corner shop next to a takeaway place.

I walked in, giving the person at the tills a slight nod, and headed straight to the bakery aisle. I grab a loaf of bread and a bunch of bananas from the chilled section. Looking around the place while I wait to be served, I noticed there were about 3 other customers here, a man at the tills ahead of me, paying, a woman looking over some raspberries and a younger man looking at the energy drinks. 

"Just keep your head down and don't attract attention," I told myself, "They won't talk to you unless you give them a reason too."

The woman at the tills picked up the items as I placed them down after the man before me had finished. I checked pockets, counting how much money I had left after buying the water, £1.50.

Shit. Probably should have checked that beforehand. One, I didn't have enough money. Two, it was in pounds. I was able to buy the water before because I could change it at cash converters at the airport, but I could only change a bit of it, if my parents knew I had more money than what they thought, they would flip.

Both the other customers had lined up behind me, waiting to pay too, meaning I couldn't go and change anything.

"That'll be $2.05, hun," the woman at the register said, looking up at me expectedly.