Swallow Your Affection

One More Time

Why he never stays, and why he always has to chase the edges of the world.

You sigh.

Not out of sadness, but out of contemplation.

Staring out this window wasn't helping you.

With a huff, you pull away from the frosted glass, meandering over to the fireplace instead.

The cozy, brick built fireplace, that smelt of autumn-

There were pelts hung up on it. And the blankets that lay on the floor were the fleece ones you had yoinked from the attic bed.

You sat down, curling into the blankets, taking in a deep breath and only smelling yourself in the fleece.

After a bit of thinking, you found no comfort in the smell. It was a smell that reminded you that you were alone. Therefore you did not like it.

But the fire was nice.

Staring into it made happier memories spark in your head, so for awhile that's what you focused on.

Any small clicks of distant happier memories you could get.

You remember your siblings. How much all of you would fight. Tooth and nail over the stupidest things.

Whenever your mother came home, everyone would be the epitome of cordial, before descending right back into chaotic play fighting when she'd leave.

You all were like piranhas- fiesty little gremlins who chewed on sticks and fought over toys.

God.

You miss everyone.

Not just your mom.

You grit your teeth, staring into the fire picturing nothing but memories that were now permanent aches in your head.

You'd never have that family setting again-

Why were you even thinking right now.

It was pointless to think about those things.

And if you were to think about those things, you should be thinking about your brother- and how to fix that relationship- but how were you supposed to talk to him when he took residence across a literal fucking graveyard.

The door swings open before your thoughts can get any worse- and you flinch, huddling into your blankets and turning to look at who came in.

Techno.

As per usual.

"Haallllo..." He utters, staring for a moment before kicking snow off his boots.

The chill that swept in with him made you squint, but you wave back in hello regardless.

Your mind flashes back to where he hugged you. Right in the exact spot your were sitting.

Cuddled you.

No.

Not cuddled.

Cuddled did not work better then hug, no. That wasn't cuddling in any way.

Even if he held you- and pulled closer every time you shivered. Closer into the heat of his chest.

You remember how warm he was- how much that warm latched onto you and refused to give you up.

You watch him for a bit longer as he dusts snow off himself, sending specks of water everywhere as the snow starts melting in the warmth of the house.

Eh.

You flick your head back to the fireplace, scooching closer for heat.

Let him do his business. You didn't need to watch.