The bell rang, dismissing us from class and bringing in summer break. I hurried through the door, walking over to Caroline’s 6th period. She rushed out, embracing me in a spine crushing hug.
“We’re finally upperclassmen!” Caroline shouted over the screams erupting throughout campus.
“I know!” I replied, a smile on my face. “We are juniors!” Music from the main quad pulsed through speakers shaking the ground and a crowd formed in front of the DJ. Students were dancing in the middle of campus.
“C’mon, let’s go dance.” Caroline started to pull me, but I looked back at the stairs, ready to meet Ansel.
“I can’t. I need to meet Ansel.” I fake pouted and Caroline embraced me in a long hug.
“I’ll see you when you get back from that road trip, Morg.” She had worry in her eyes. “Be safe.”
“I will.” I turned around and Caroline disappeared in the crowd, while I disappeared up the stairs.
I walked up the stairs and turned the corner. Ansel stood against the brick wall, looking at his phone. He looked up at me and I smiled. A smile spread across his face as he slid his phone back into his pocket.
“You look nice.” Ansel said to me, looking at my Converse, then my shorts, my Led Zeppelin t-shirt, and my hair in a ponytail.
“Why thank you darling.” I got on the tips of my toes and kissed his nose. “Wanna come over and help me pack?”
“Of course. And I’ll give you a ride!” He pulled out his car keys and we headed down the stairs, hand in hand.
As soon as I opened the front door to my house, Ansel looked back, checking twice for my mom’s car. Then, he came in behind me and as I closed the door, Ansel trapped my body against the door. His lips crashed onto mine and I kissed him back, my hands traveling under his shirt. I bit his lip and he laughed, biting mine back.
“Grr.” I growled and Ansel air-bit at me as if he were a vampire. Ansel picked me up and walked upstairs to my room.
He dropped me on the bed and hovered over me. Ansel’s lips were soft and kind, like the way his hands gently traveled down my body. Out of my own anticipation, I flipped us so I was on top and Ansel was below me. I sat on my knees, in between his legs while Ansel took off his shirt. I unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them down. As I started to pull down his boxers, a scar I had never seen before appeared. I covered my mouth with my hand and sat back.
“What’s wrong?” Ansel asked, looking at me, then he saw the scar on the upper part of his thigh and went pale.
“Ansel…” A tear slipped down my cheek, but I was crying mostly because I was angry. “What the hell?”
“I know, I broke our promise.” Ansel’s voice cracked. “I’m sorry.”
“When did you do this?” I asked, angrily wiping my tears away. “This wasn’t here before.”
“The night I called you...the night I was losing my mind..” Ansel looked down.
“I even asked you if you did and you lied to me.” I croaked, trying so hard to not bawl my eyes out.
“I know, but I didn’t want you to worry.” Ansel strained to say.
“I’d rather be hurt with the truth than comforted with a lie.” I said through clenched teeth. I got off of the bed and crossed my arms, walking out of my bedroom. Ansel ran out, pulling up his pants and fixing his shirt.
“I don’t understand why you’re so mad!” Ansel shouted to me as I descended down the stairs.
“Because Ansel,” I whipped around. “You can talk to me and its like you don’t trust me or anything! Like you can’t open up to me! I just want to be that person for you.”
“You are that person for me its just...I...its hard to explain.” Ansel stammered. I shook my head.
“Either I’m that person for you or I’m not and apparently I’m not.” I muttered. “Isn’t that what a relationship is? When two people can talk to each other about anything and comfort each other? Isn’t it trust? I trusted you with our promise, but you broke it. You lied to me, Ansel. I thought you didn’t lie to the ones you loved.”
“I don’t, I was just protecting your feelings.” Ansel wiped his eyes. “I wanted everything to stay fine between us. I wanted this to be the one not fucked up thing in my life.”
“Well you kind of fucked it up now.” I cleared my throat. “Maybe we went too fast. Maybe we should-”
“Please, Morgan.” Ansel pleaded. “Please don’t say it.” I couldn’t stand to see him cry.
“Maybe we should just take a break.” I concluded. I opened the front door, holding back tears. “I’m gonna give you time to gather yourself. You need to learn how to communicate with people, especially your loved ones.”
Ansel bent down and grabbed his backpack and stepped out of the door, wiping his tears. He stood on the other side of the threshold.
“I’m with you ‘til the end of the line.” Ansel muttered. I turned my head away even more.
“I know.” I closed the door and went upstairs to my room, crying the Nile River, not knowing that I’d eventually cry the Pacific Ocean.
YOU ARE READING
Hide Within Yourself / Ansel Elgort a.u.
Fanfiction“I’m sick of my parents thinking I’m hopeless.” His voice shook. “I was a good kid, but then I changed. They’ve given up hope in me and...I didn’t want them to.” I rolled my lip in my mouth, fighting back tears. “This doesn’t make sense, huh?” Ansel...
