Just One Look

The Sum of It

“This isn’t a good situation, Cassidy.” I walked to the top of the stairs. If they looked, they could see my feet. “I just, painted myself as a good Dad, I don't want her to see another bad thing inside me. I don't want that picture of me being a good Dad destroyed by a decision that we decided was a good thing.”

“Mike, when are we going to tell her? You’re moving out soon.”

“I know, and I all ready paid the first rent check.” He said, I took a sharp intake of breath. Moving out? Were they getting a divorce?

“The papers say you have to be out by Monday.”

“I know, I know. I will be.” He said, I made my presence known by pounding loudly down the stairs with my feet. I didn't lead on that I overheard them talking about their separation or divorce, whichever one it may be. We ate a pleasant dinner, nothing about their relationship came up.

 

That night, insomnia hit. I couldn't sleep. Nothing worked, listening to classical music, thinking about boring things, peaceful things. None of the usual things worked, I laid in bed, staring at the ceiling just thinking. I rolled over and reached under my bed, I felt around for a bit before pulling out an inch thick leather bound empty journal. I opened it up and flicked on the light next to my bed. I grabbed a pen from my bedside table and wrote down the date.

 

March 7th,

My life is a mess, that is how I will start this. I don't plan to write often, but when I do it might just be a mind dump. Today, I will start at the beginning. This all started around the first month of the school year when I was partnered up with Jared Rekoj, who started to date my best friend Karen Ruins. Jared is the star quarterback of the school football team. Karen was not the most popular girl, but when she started dating Jared, she changed. She started wearing odd outfits of red and black, and she stopped hanging out with me. She stopped seeing me cold turkey. We grew apart quickly, because of it. There were rumors that she was being beaten by him, and I believed them. I saw bruises on her arms, and I thought that they were Jareds fault. Aparently I was wrong, because apparently a psycho clown has the hots for me and was trying to court me through Jared and Karen. Meanwhile I met Bruce Wayne, I’ll talk more about him later, but this clown was trying to make me fall in love with him. He first kidnapped my brother, Dean. Dean was held for about two months. When he was set free, it was in exchange for me. Then I was the one in the garage of the Jokers house, with Harley Quinn. Who apparently wears the pants in the Harley/Joker relationship. Joker says that it’s all her fault, the things he does, but I don't know if I should believe him. He is an abusive man, I can tell you that. He has a fascination with making people smile, and he made me smile. If you look at the right side of my face, there is a smile. A scar. When he captured me the first time he cut a smile on my face. He reopened the cut a lot, making the healing process slow. Harley Quinn cut me also, only once or twice. She thinks that we are sisters, but we are not related. I know. For a fact. That we are not related. She said that I ruined her life and that’s her motive for my ultimate destruction. I don't know what I actually did to have this target painted on my back. So, Karen, and Jared sold me out and got me into this mess. Somehow Karen got into trouble, and she got herself killed. Joker told me he killed her, and that he never really loved her. As if he were Jared, but then I asked him if he were Jared and he denied it. He said that he was someone that I would never care about. I pity him, honestly. But he’s so disgusting. He’s so revolting, that I don't want to have anything to do with him. Yet he wants me so badly. He occupies my mind during the night. That’s why I can't sleep through the night anymore. He captured me twice, and the second time he brought my family. This was a big turning point for Dean, my brother. Before, he was ever captured he used to be this sweet boy with dreams of becoming some sort of athlete. But ever since that second time, he became this hot headed crazy person. He tried to kill me, twice. Or he at least tried to hurt me badly. For simple things too, snapping back at him when he was being disrespectful to me or my Mom or my Dad. He broke into our house the other night, and he really did try to kill me this time. Before that, he was sent to Arkham and we were told that we could never see him again, or at least for a long time. He was sent there, because of his unstable mental state. It makes me really sad. I’m sad that my brother is locked up in the loony bin, and I can't even see him on the weekends. So, on my weekends I go see Bruce Wayne. He takes my mind of off Dean, and puts me in a place where I feel important, and loved. Not saying that I don't feel loved by others around me, but a genuine love. I guess you could say that he and I “hit it off”, and that we’re a couple. I kissed him the other day. It felt amazing, to kiss him. I can't compare it to anything, but am I too rash to say that it felt right? Joker kissed me once. Twice, it was awful. He has a way of going about things to make him seem like the good guy. I don't want to think about him, but when I’m alone, and nothing is occupying my mind. He is. He has destroyed my family, my parents are getting a divorce, I have suspicions anyway. I heard them talking about a separation and my father moving out by Monday. If this is true, I don't know what I’m going to do.

I put down the journal and pen, and when my head hit the pillow, my mind went black.