You know what? I'm gonna just ignore him and be a bitch to him. He doesn't deserve it any other way and his friends aren't my friends so I don't wanna look good in front of them. The four guys were all really nice and genuine but I don't want to get attached to them.
They're like shadows. They leave as fast as they arrive but I always tend to get attached to them. All my life people were like shadows. I like to think that I only dance with shadows, which are temporary. In the end every single human on this earth is a shadow. We're all temporary. We walk into someone's life and eventually leave.
Technically, we're also a ticking time bomb. Everytime we breathe we restart the countdown. 6...5...4...3...2...1 minutes - that's all it takes.
"Zayn!" Kiah screams, jumping out of the chair she just sat in. She quickly runs into his arms, while the other 4 boys walk up behind them. Amazing, the one girl I wanted to start making friends with is close to Zayn, just amazing. Marvelous even. She really seemed like a nice girl, and I felt like we knew each other for forever, despite how comfortable I was with her.
I start to pack my books into my bag pack because I feel this electricity slowly rising up to me. I stand up but then I hear my name screamed by multiple voices. I turn around and see Niall and Louis walking up to me.
My anxiety is getting worse and worse but I try to overplay it. I need to come up with an excuse to go home. Think, think, think.
"Callie I missed you sooooo much! You need to help me to run away from those 4 lads. They're driving me mad." Niall says, open his arms to give me a hug. Louis comes next, asking me whether we can play a match of football next time after playing with Milo.
"I'm sorry there won't be a next time, moms gonna bring Milo and stay for awhile. It was nice meeting you all though and I hope the stress fade away or is slowly doing so." I'm getting quieter and quieter at the end, referring to the reason that Liam told me why they were even here in the first place. Again, I don't wait for any answers and just start walking, or rather running to the exit.
As the fresh air crashes in my face, I call Kane. I don't know why but I start to shake uncontrollably and my chest is tightening.
"Hey Cals, haven't heard from you all week. How are you?" he picks up the phone, not knowing that it's happening again.
"Kane I don't know what's happening. Please just make it stop. Make it stop. It's only getting worse. This month has been like hell." I whisper with a shaky voice.
You can hear from the other side of the phone that his good mood is now replaced with worry. "Okay love, you got through this for so long now. Remember how strong you are, how loved you are. A panic attack is nothing to be ashamed of. Is there anything that triggered it?"
"I have no- I have no clue. That's what scares me the most." I stutter, trying to calm down.
I'm anxious about being anxious.
Remember how strong you are, how loved you are.
"Cals, listen to me. We're gonna breathe together for awhile. Just think about how much Milo and Rel love you, how much Alessia and I love you, how much Hope loves you and how much our parents love you. Okay, breathe in. Slow and steady. Hold your breath for 5 seconds and then slowly breathe out through the mouth. You're doing so so good darling."
This goes on for 5 continuing minutes until I start to get a little better and a lot less shaky.
"Thank you Kane, really! I think I'll get through the rest alone. I love you" I say, still shaking a bit but breathing like he told me to.
"I'll come over for the weekend. Just to make sure that you're okay and that everything's safe. If you need anything, call me. Doesn't matter when, even if it's 3am, call me! Where are you right now?" He asks.
"In front of the libra-" I stop, while I get interrupted by Kiah and Harry running up to me, practically screaming my name.
I hang up out of panic, realizing that Kane might even get more worried. But that's not the most important thing right now. The come closer and closer.
Closer and closer
"Callie darling. Why aren't you coming to the football arrangement with us? Did we do something wro- Hey love why are you crying?" Harry rambles. I quickly wipe away the tears, that began to dry. See this is why I hate to communicate, if I look Harry in the eyes right now, I won't be able to say that I'm not coming. He'd be able to convince me to go with Milo instead of my mom or just go with both of them.I hate that he's seeing me being so vulnerable, I hate the attention that I'm getting right now. I wish I would've never met them or that they didn't follow me outside here.
"I'm fine, just a bad allergy or something" I'm trying to find an excuse why I can't come "I actually can't come because I have exams that I have to learn for. And besides Zayn wouldn't want me to be there anyways. I wish you a lot of fun though and I hope my mum won't bother you much." I'm thinking about how she sometimes can be a little too nice.
"Why do you think Zayn wouldn't want you to be there?" Kiah asks.
"He sort of hates me, you should've seen his face when he first saw me. He looked at me like I was Shrek. And since you" I point at Harry "and the boys probably will leave soon, I don't want to cause trouble." I shrug, wanting to go.
„We're not planning on leaving anytime soon darling and Zayn most certainly doesn't hate you. But if you feel uncomfortable hanging with us then we won't bother you anymore" Harry says, getting a little sad and disappointed.
See, this is why I don't talk to people. I always end up disappointing people and make them feel bad about themselves. He's about to turn around and walk up to the front door and I can't even think about the words that are coming out of my mouth.
„You know what? As soon as I finished all my exams I'll join a meeting again, alright? Cause I really think that you guys are genuine and everything. The timing right now is just not the best."
This seems to lighten up Harry's mood and they quickly say goodbye with a hug and then disappear into the library again.
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Alright family!
Sorry that this chapter is so short and that it took so long for me to upload, but I've been through a lot the last month and I couldn't sit down for a moment to finish this chapter but now I'm back!
and I'm on summer break, yayyyy!
The casting I'm going to is literally in a week so wish me luck!
Btw I started this chapter with less than 300 reads and now we're almost at 400! this is huge thank u all for reading this story
keep on commenting and voting,
love you all the most,
soph<3
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Fanfiction„I always used to think about ways I could've changed what happened that day. I used to blame myself for not meeting up with you on that day like I planned to. I thought about you everyday. There wasn't one day I didn't think about you" he says, hol...
Chapter 5
Start from the beginning
