Running • Iggy

Truth

Fake.
Confused.
Horrible.
You deserve nothing.

"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!" I heard what distantly sounded like my name, but I had tunnel vision. I grabbed my destroyed chair and threw it hard against the wall, watching the wall crack and splinter plaster everywhere. I brought my claws to my head and scrabbed at my face, hoping maybe I could pull the words from my mind. "SHUT UP."

Someone tried to reach for me.

No. I don't deserve help.

I grabbed the nearest object, a heavy wooden plank and threw it hard at the person. I could hear a bone crack and someone cry out, but I didn't care. I threw my fist at a wall over and over again, blood spraying across the wall as I punched a jagged piece of wood into my fist by accident. Words rushed through my head faster than I could register and all I could see was red. I grabbed the mirror that was turned against the wall and threw it across the room. I hated mirrors, I saw them as myself. I saw them as the proof of my beast being. It didn't break, and I heard another cry. Not good enough. Break.

I grabbed the mirror even though I couldn't actually tell where it was and threw it hard against a wall. "DIE! FUCKING BREAK, BREAK LIKE I'M BROKEN YOU USELESS SHIT!" I screamed at the mirror, lifting the frame with shattered glass still in place and slamming it against the corner of a destroyed table over and over again. "I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU! I WANT YOU GONE, IF YOU WEREN'T HERE EVERYTHING WOULD BE OKAY! SHUT UP, SHUT UP! IT'S YOUR FAULT, I KNOW IT IS!" I dropped the mangled frame of the destroyed mirror and began blindly searching for something else to break. Anything.

"I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU! I HATE THIS, I HATE ME, FUCK-" I choked on a sob. I grabbed the less-destroyed part of the bedframe and smashed it against the wall.

The words won't stop. I can't...

"PLEASE JUST SHUT UP, WHY WON'T YOU SHUT UP? I DESERVE TO BE LONELY, I DESERVE EVERYTHING, I KNOW, I KNOW I KNOW" I screamed, stumbling back as I clutched my head. "NO MORE, PLEASE! I GET IT, I GET IT NOW STOP! PLEASE, PLEASE.."

I grabbed a thick, heavy wooden plank.

"PLEASE!" I sobbed, slamming it against my head as hard as I could.

Silence. No more words.

I took a shaky breath in before letting it out in a sob. It was silent, at least, I thought it was. I was shaking, facing a wall and leaning on it with one hand, blood trickling down the wall thickly. I could tell the room was in shambles.

"C...Cee?" I practically jumped out of my skin when I heard Iggy's voice. I spun around, choking on a sob when I saw Iggy clutching his obviously broken arm, blood covering his cheek. Max was standing beside him, her eye pretty bruised already, looking dazed and terrified. Fang was rubbing blood from a cut on his forehead that was leaking over his eyebrow and down the left side of his face.

"I... hurt you." I acknowledged. I felt void for a second, emptier than I had felt in my life. Then it hit me. The horrible, consuming wave of guilt, horrifying terror and hatred for my own being. I began sobbing, stumbling back and tripping on a shattered bottle of alcohol, hitting my back against the wall as I covered my mouth with my hands. "I hurt you." I sobbed out, dropping into a crouch. I felt close to fainting. "What the fuck did I do?" I sobbed in horror, staring at the wreck of my room. A wreck didn't describe it. It was destroyed. Just like me.

I slid into a sitting position, knees bent and hands still over my mouth. Iggy took a step towards me, and I shook my head vigorously. "Please don't, please. I'm dangerous, I hurt you. I hurt you, holy shit I hurt you." I choked out a sob. "Don't do anything! Don't come near me, please I don't deserve it... Leave me alone, please.." I begged, unable to keep my eyes open and see what I had done.