Warnings:
Contains mentions of self harm
Depression
Angst
If you are not comfortable with any of these, please do not read. I will not take responsibility. Thank you.
Day 2,
Dear Diary,
It's me again, Amaris. I don't know what to say anymore.
I feel so isolated. I don't know why. I don't even know when I became numb and lost myself. All these words I say, they're no longer mine. It feels as if someone else is talking on my behalf. My friends question me, 'Where are your feelings?' I'm lost and it hurts me from the inside. I... I'm beginning to become Emotionless. I no longer feel things, even if I know I should. This isn't me. Where is the real me? How am I supposed to live upto others expectations, if I can't live upto mine. When did I start becoming cold? Why do I argue about the smallest things? Everyone knows something has changed about me. They ask, 'Where is the person that they know?' To be honest, even I question myself.
Then again, I know the answer. The person that they know has already left with all the faith that I had. I'm scared to live, but I'm scared to die. I'm in a black void. Nothing. There is nothing around me for miles. I can't even sleep. Everytime I try, thoughts start haunting me. My vision is blurry. My self-confidence is decreasing and I just sit back and watch. I do nothing. I'm so desparate to do something but I can't move. Why? Why can't I move? I see myself losing hope, but I can't do anything. I can't speak. Whenever someone comes to me in hopes of getting advice, I can give them advice. I say,' Don't lose hope'. Then why can't I do it myself? Why? That's the biggest question.
Sincerely,
Amaris
