𝒔𝒊𝒍𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 ☾ 𝒑𝒂𝒖𝒍 𝒍𝒂𝒉𝒐𝒕𝒆

[28]

Lizzie was silent as Paul drove her home. He'd borrowed her truck, and it wasn't like she minded. The heat was on full blast as the two shivered, but despite the cold, Lizzie remained on the opposite side of the truck. Her forehead rested on the window and she stared out to the passing forest the entire time.

Even as Paul pulled into her driveway and turned off the engine, Lizzie said nothing. They both got out of the truck and walked into her house, up the stairs, and into her bedroom. Lizzie brought them both towels and changed into something that wasn't wet. Paul sat on the floor of her bedroom, having changed into a spare set of clothes he kept in her room.

She didn't want to talk to him. She was embarrassed. Ashamed. How could she explain what she'd done? He wouldn't understand. He couldn't possibly. So, instead of facing the music, Lizzie sat down in her bathtub, head in her hands, and cried silently. 

It was a few minutes before Paul came in to check on her and knelt down beside the tub. He reached out to take her hand, but she moved away. The hurt on his face was evident, but he just sat down next to her and waited patiently. They needed to talk. He needed to hear her voice. To hear proof more than seeing her that she was alive and well.

Not well. She was not well at all. 

"Lizzie-"

"Don't." She whispered. 

"Lizzie, why won't you tell me what happened?" He asked. His voice was softer than it ever had been. It was so much like him. Kind, warm, gentle, and the rough edges that make the inside so much more inviting.

"I-I... I can't... I don't know what happened. Okay? I- I can't." She whispered.

"You can't what?" He asked. "Talk to me? Lizzie, I-"

"No. I can't do this anymore, Paul. I'm a murderer. Okay? I got our friends killed. I killed people. Innocent people that I didn't know. And I- and for what?" She slumped into the bathtub, shaking violently as she pictured the blood staining her hands.

"Lizzie, we had to." Paul protested, his face twisting in sorrow. "We all did what we had to."

"No. No, if I had just taken the deal, or just- just never have been here, they would be alive. Those people would be alive."

"Those weren't people. They were monsters. Bloodsucking monsters. They wanted to kill you."

"And how am I different? I should have let them!" She cried. "How can I live with myself like this? Putting you all in danger, time and time again and for what? I- I can't do it. Not anymore. I can't."

"So, what? All of that, everything we did, it was all for nothing?" Paul asked, his voice rising in anger.

"No! Yes! It was all for nothing, Paul. Because I am nothing. Nothing. What do you want me to say? I just can't."

"Lizzie, you're not nothing. You were never nothing. Do I need to say it all again to you?" He asked, his own tears streaming down his face. They were both choking back sobs and spitting out their words. "We've been through this, how many times? I can't watch. I can't."

"You made a promise to me, Paul. And you kept it. You have kept it. You've done everything for me. You are everything to me. You are everything I could ever ask for and so much more. And I... I love you so much... but your promise to me is worthless if I keep asking you, forcing you to uphold it."

"What- what are you talking about?" He asked incredulously. "That's- I can't-"

"Paul. You're my everything. I can't. I can't do this. I can't destroy you, destroy my friends, all that you've built, this beautiful family. I can't be that. I can't do that. Not when every second that I'm alive I get people killed. Because I can't fucking-"