The Photographer - h.s

Falling

Harry

"How are you doing, man?" Mitch asked me as we walked down the large hall and I nodded.

"Yeah, I'm good." I lied. Nothing feels the same, I can't sleep, I can't think, I feel so... empty. The days feel very sewn together, I'm not even sure what your day we're on now. I found her pearl necklace the other day before we left Brisbane, it lives in the front pocket of my suitcase now.

Mitch put his hand on my shoulder and then lightly tapped on Sarah's door and we entered.

"Mitch!" It was her. Her voice sounded so clear, I missed it. It made my heart feel so heavy.

"Hi.... Vic!" Hearing someone else say her name made my heart nearly stop. I stepped a bit behind Mitch and saw her on the screen from a distance, she looked so tired... she looked so absent, there was no color to her usually pink cheeks, the smile fell from her face as she saw me and she froze for moment and looked down quickly.

"Well uh... I gotta go switch my laundry over, night." She said softly and hung up. There was a silence among the room and I couldn't bare to look up at my friends. This feeling is too big for words, I feel absolutely torn open. My eyes start to get blurry and I try to blink it away.

"Harry..." Sarah said softly and I sniffles and brushed my nose with my finger and shook my head, I quickly headed to the door and left the room before I started to come apart in front everyone. I walked quickly back to my ready room keeping my head low and avoiding others, I quickly stepped into my room and let out a deep breath and inhaled quickly before letting out a quiet sob. I placed my fingers over my mouth and shook my head, wiping my face. I opened the bottle of whiskey at the bar and poured a glass, taking it in two big sips, and pouring another, I placed the glass back on the table as I felt the burn spread through my chest. I took one last quick sip from the bottle and twisted the cap back on tight and put it back in its place.

There was a soft tap at the door before it freaked open to reveal Sarah peeking in and slowly entering. She gave me a small wave as she entered and closed the door behind her.

"Are you okay?" She asked me softly and I looked at her and quickly licked my bottom lip and pressed them together and gave a small shrug.

"Is she okay?" I surpassed her question with mine. Is she having nightmares like I am? Is she awake at 2am again scared to go back to sleep?

"She's...okay." She responded and I shook my head, I feel so... angry. She didn't have to go, this didn't have to ruin everything, if I could go back in time and change everything I would in a heartbeat.

"I think i just.... Want to be alone." I said and looked down at the floor.

"Harry..."

"Please." I said back firmly and I looked up and she sighed.

"I just... im worried about you."

"Just, leave me alone!" I said loudly and raised her eyebrows at me and pressed her lips together nodding.

"Yupp." She said coldly and turned to the door, she opened it and Mitch was standing on the other side, as she left he entered and closed the door behind him. He walked heavily into the room and raised his hands up to me.

"What the fuck, Harry? What is you fucking problem man?"

"Excuse me?" I asked back angrily and he chuckled.

"Are you... kidding me?! The girl in the club? Yelling at Vic? Yelling at me? Swinging on me? Yelling at Sarah? Ringing any bells? This could be why she walked away..."

"Shut the fuck up. You have no idea what you're talking about."

"Really? I don't? Look at yourself man, this isn't you... this anger, this... misery that youve shackled around your ankle... this ain't you." He said bluntly and shook his head and left to room, closing the door loudly behind him. He was right... I wouldn't even want to be around me right now.

I walked over to the table and opened my journal, turning to an open page and putting the keyboard on the table in front of the couch.

•~~~~~•PLAY SONG NOW•~~~~~•

"I'm in my bed, and you're not here, and there's no one to blame, but the drink in my wandering hands. Forget what I said, it's not what I meant, and I can't take it back, I can't unpack the baggage you left."

"What am I now? What am I now? What if I'm someone I don't want around? I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm falling. What if I'm down? What if I'm out? What if I'm someone you won't talk about? I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm falling" it felt good to express these feelings, and this is why I fell in love with writing music, it feels so much easier getting my thoughts together when I'm expressing them through my song writing. It helps take my anger and this heavy sadness and gives it a place to go, it helps make them real.

"And the coffee's out... at the Beachwood Cafe, and it kills me 'cause I know we've run out of things we can say."

"What am I now? What am I now? What if I'm someone I don't want around? I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm falling. What if I'm down? What if I'm out? What if I'm someone you won't talk about? I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm falling..."

"And I get the feeling that you'll never need me again.."

"What am I now? What am I now? What if you're someone I just want around? I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm falling. What if I'm down? What if I'm out? What if I'm someone you won't talk about? I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm falling."

I took a deep breath and closed the journal as I felt the my cup overflow and began to cry. I didn't want to be here without her, I don't want to go to these new cities and not have her to share them with. We never even went to the McDonald's in Brisbane, we never get to finish our list. Touring is everything to me, there is nothing I love more than traveling and doing what I love most... but I have never felt farther from home, and more alone, than I do now. I folded my legs up to my chest and rested my forehead on my knees as I closed my eyes and tried to steady my shaky breathing.

She saw me in the back of the room and immediately hung up... she can't even stand to be on a call in the same room as me... she doesn't want me around, she doesn't want to see or hear from me at all... she wants nothing to do with me, and all I want is to see her and to talk to her again.

I pushed myself off the couch and grabbed the whiskey and a glass and took a seat back on the couch and poured myself another glass, this time filling it closer to the top.

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Another short chapter for the double update!

I can't wait for everything that's about to come, you have no idea.

I've been loving all the comments you have all been leaving lately, I LOVE communicating with you all so so so much. Thank you for the unwavering support, it means the world to me ❤️

All the love
-r