The Photographer - h.s

What now?

Vic

I walked into  my silent apartment and locked the door behind me and flicked the lights on. I grabbed my luggage at the door and walked it to my bedroom and let them sit by my bed while I went to wash off the 10 hours flight I just endured. I turned on the shower and let it heat up as threw my clothes to the side and put a towel on the hook beside the shower.

I stepped in and let the hot water roll down my skin. He hasn't even tried to text me since I left, he wished me a safe flight before I left his house and that was that. How could he just... not care? I guess I was always right, the feelings were never mutual and all I was doing was getting my hopes up. Typical.

I've been fighting with myself over feeling guilty for how I reacted, and feeling regret for not reacting more. We weren't together, we weren't exclusive, we never even made it a discussion. We weren't together, but... we were doing something, and maybe I just thought it was more than it was and got my feelings hurt. I mean, this girl was tall, and beautiful, and held herself so confidently... I mean I would too if I looked like that. They have history, they were together for almost a year, he was in love with her, and that's more than I'll ever get to have with him.

I stepped out of the shower and dried off before wrapping the towel around my body, and walked back to my bedroom and grabbed a pair of sweatpants and an old baggy band shirt and threw it on. I walked out to the living room and grabbed my small pencil case from the drawer beside the couch and walked to the balcony, unlocking the glass doors and stepping out, taking a seat and rolling a joint.

I smoked in silence and just listened to the sound of the wind forcing the trees to dance, and the sound of birds talking to each other. I watched as Arlo climbed up the tree to the first branch and then jump up to my balcony and then he hopped up to the table beside me and meowed at me.

"Arlo, buddy. Hey. Miss me?" I asked and he rubbed up against the side of my arm and all of my problems were gone. "Hey buddy, I missed you. Don't worry, my trip wasn't that great. I mean... it started out really amazing, but by day 3 I was hurt and upset, and day 4... well, today is day 4 so, I suppose you can guess how well that went." I reached over and pet his head, watching as his eyes slowly closed. "Arlo, maybe you're the only man I need in my life." I said to him and took the last drag of the joint and put it out on the metal balcony railing, and flicked it over the side as my phone vibrated on my lap. I scooped it off my lap and saw a text from Sarah letting me know she was outside my door. I wasn't in the mood for visitors, I wanted to be alone and to just... be upset I guess?

I got up and watched as Arlo jumped off the table and walked to his food bowl and began to eat. I closed the doors to the balcony behind me and walked across the room and opened the door, coming face to face with Sarah, with a sad expression on her face. She walked in and gave me a large hug, pinning my arms to my side. Once she let go I closed the door behind her and waved her in to follow me to the living room. We took a seat on the couch and I gave her a questioning look.

"And you knew I was home...?" I started and she sighed.

"Mitch." She said simply and I nodded, already half knowing he would be the answer.

"So you know..." I started and she shook her head and waved her hands.

"No no, he wouldn't tell me what happened, all he said was that you were coming home and around when you'd be here, he said that you may need a friend." She told me and I sighed. I appreciated that Mitch was trying to look out for me by giving Sarah the push to come see me and make sure I was okay. "Do you want to talk about it?" She asked and I know she was half asking because she was dying to find out what happened in London.

"Harry slept with his ex." I told her and her jaw fell open as her eyes went wide for a moment.

"Wait... Emily?" She asked and I pressed my lips together and looked at her.

"Okay, so everyone knew about her but me? I didn't even know he had an ex past the Jenner." I told her and she nodded slowly.

"I've never met her, they were broken up well before I met Harry, but... she did a number on him I guess." She explained and I rolled my eyes.

"Well, whatever happened, they slept together the other night." I told her and she gave me a soft smile and placed her hand on my arm. "But honestly... we weren't together, we weren't exclusive or anything, he didn't really do anything wrong..."

"Okay, Victoria, he was doing something with you though, everyone knew it, even he did... and he still made that choice." She said and I was a little surprised she was so quick to take my side without even hearing what her friend had to say about his side of the story. "Oh don't look so surprised, yeah he's my friend but... so are you, and frankly he fucked up and I'm a little peeved with him." She told me and I shot her a small smile and shrugged.

"And tomorrow I'm getting sent all the pictures from the Gucci shoot to weed through and pick the ones that look best, so even when I'm in another continent trying to get space, it's still not quite far enough, huh?" I said and she gave me a sympathetic look and I took a deep breath and shrugged. "It is what it is." I added and she shook her head.

"Are you gonna talk when he gets back?" She asked and I gave her a small nod.

"Probably, if he wants to."

"Vic, you know he's going to want to." And maybe she was right, although we've gone almost 15 hours now without even a whisper from his direction. It feels pathetic that I know how long it's been since he said goodbye as I left, and if I'm honest, it feels kind of... dull. But then there's that lingering thought in the back of my head that keeps reminding me... his album was all about her. He said it took him almost a year to write every song on the album, and that it was very personal to him. It's for her. It's his declaration of how much he loved her, and a spotlight on his hurting. That's how Sarah knows so much about her, he poured it into his song writing and I'm sure got very open about it with his tight-knit team.

"Thanks for coming over, I really appreciate you, truly. I just... I think I need some time alone, I think I'm just gonna take a nap, my jet lag is all fucked up." I said and she gave me a soft smile and out her hand on my shoulder.

"Of course, I'm always a phone call away if you need anything." She said and I smiled to her as she stood up and slid her phone into her back pocket and saw herself out, giving me a small wave as she shut the door behind her.

I slump back into the couch and pull up my phone to see there's still no word from Harry. I shrug and close my phone again, not wanting to see the tsunami of pictures of him with Emily, all over every social media platform right now, and it's the last thing I need to see if I'm honest. I locked the door and walked back to my bedroom and pulled the blankets back and got into bed and tucked myself in, getting comfortable, except I'm most comfortable sleeping besides Harry.

Why did everything have to go and get ruined? This was what I was trying to avoid, I didn't want to lose my best friend/ favorite person... yet here we are.

So, what now?