Tonight, We are victorious! (Eren x Jean)

Chapter 7 (Jean's POV)

I often wonder what it's like to fall in love. No not like crushes like legit love. Mutual love, it's something I can't wrap my head around. As you know I like Mikasa key word: LIKE but I feel as though it isn't you know.....Mutual... she has her sights on something other than me and even though I know I can't change her mind instantly I feel over time she might soon develop feelings for me.....right? or at least I hope. I'm not asking for much am I? Even if its not her I want that warm feeling people describe as love. I love art and I love playing the guitar but I want to love a human who can love me back romantically. 

I often scroll through social media or read books and find weird words related to the topic that I might include in a song one day. Words like Latibule: A hiding place: a place of safety and comfort. Now that might not specifically be related to the topic of love but you can use it in a poetic manner for it. I want a Latibule that isn't a place but person. I don't ask for much I really don't I just want someone to hold that'll hold me back. Someone that'll care for me at my worst someone who can appreciate me for me. Mikasa is beautiful, strong, talented and all of the above and I want someone at least remotely like that if not her. some people call me weird but I remember Marco telling me this a while ago and it stuck with me til now. In fact he changed my views on people as well.

"Everyone on earth is beautiful, everyone is art crafted perfectly to distinct one from the rest. Insecurities are just attributes about us that didn't meet social standards but they're still beautiful in their own way" Which was true. Everyone is beautiful but that doesn't necessarily mean preferences don't exist but as Marco continued this is where I started to change my views on humans. " No one can be physically ugly. What makes people ugly is their personality, something so cruel can rot inside an inner shell and affect the barriers of its beholder. " And he was right..... the ugliest celebrities work out and get plastic surgery to make them look like gods but even then if they don't change their attitudes you start to realize they aren't as beautiful as they seem.

I don't take that lightly either his words really helped me discover who I should surround myself with. That's probably why I don't hang out with Jaeger a lot but somehow Marco and Armin see something good in him that I don't. What's so good about a kid with anger issues that thinks about himself and only himself. That's probably why he gets into so many fights because people don't like his inner shell.

Currently its 2 am, I'm staying up late because I forgot to finish an art project for my AP art class. The professor is beautiful...I don't simp for him of course but when I saw beautiful I'm talking about inner shells. Marco is beautiful, Armin is beautiful, Sasha is beautiful, Mikasa is beautiful, Connie is beautiful all my friends are beautiful. I'm painting a random model I found online covered in sunflowers. I don't know them but seeing their outer shell they're beautiful. I wonder how they act then so if I'd consider them...unreal. 

I'm in my room painting, I've been painting for days on end. My eyes begin to grow heavy as my body starts to heavy my eyes and sway a little. That's a sign I should get some rest. I took a step back admiring my art... It looks good. I felt a smile creep onto my face, an ever so soft smile as I stare at my accomplishment. I then looked down at my brushes as I sighed and walked to my phone pressing pause on the music app I'm using. The song I was listening to was Sparks by Coldplay,  it's a horrible song to listen to when you're trying to stay awake. I got to work cleaning my brushes and getting my items for school ready. After that was done I checked the time on my phone as I sighed seeing the clock turn to 2:38 am. 

I ended up slumping on top of my white bed sheets. It wasn't completely white there were some paint drops on top of them but they didn't seem to bother me. I slid under the blanket resting my head on the pillow as I starred up at the ceiling before couldn't keep my eyes open and they officially closed on me. Now I was officially asleep. I can finally rest.

I didn't  find myself awake though, well at least not yet of course. Some how I was able to control this dream, I believe this is what they call a lucid dream? this was actually so cool! In lucid dreams there are no rules you are breaking the barriers between reality and fantasy. This is your own reality. I looked at the setting I was in and saw I was in my town, okay that was alright at least I know where I am. I noticed  this gas? it was in one place it wasn't spread around everywhere. It was completely white but I some how knew what it was? It was a mist of beauty. I think this might have to do with what I was hyper fixated on earlier before I went to bed. I followed it because I was curious it went past such an empty road. When I say empty I mean empty there were no cars whatsoever. I ran across the road following the mist. It only ended up leading me to the cafe. I walked inside pushing the door open as the cafe had around 6-8 people inside including the two workers. All the customers faces were bland they were expressionless and didn't have eyes. I knew what that meant, it meant they were back ground characters of my dream.

I looked over at the barista and noticed Eren but he was the only one who stood out from the rest. He had eyes and an expression. He was talking to a little girl who was tearing up as he leaned over patting her head and giving her a cake pop lifting a finger to his mouth " shh, it's okay. You can have it for free it's on me" He smiled as she stared at him with a smile " really?" she asked bright and cheery as he smiled and nodded. That scene was so heart warming to me.... but eventually I woke up as my eyes fluttered open and I stared at the ceiling and whispered to myself "beautiful..." I heard my mom calling my name indicating it was time to get my ass to school.

After I finished getting ready and such I started to wake from my house to school exhausted. I didn't sleep much last night so I was so tired. Maybe coffee would help wake me up? I took the same way to the cafe like I did in my dream but this time the roads were full. I waited to cross and when doing so I eventually made it to the cafe. I opened the door seeing the same people like in my dream but with expressions and eyes. I was confused until I looked up and my eyes widened seeing that girl and Jaeger. That whole seen replayed with him being kind to that little girl. I stood frozen so confused. Did I just experience Deja vu? That scene- was Marco and Armin right? No Jaeger is rotten not beautiful... but- I paused seeing Eren look up at me and cock a brow "what horse face? you gonna order or just stand there like and idiot?" He snickered as I broke out of my daze.

"Oh shut it Jaeger, you always got something shitty to say" I responded and smirked walking over to the counter ready to order...........