Snapshots

This is how to love yourself:

First, take a deep breath. Feel the air swirl in your lungs. Feel your heart beat. Feel how alive you are. Remind yourself of how crazy it is that out of all the people who don't exist, you do. Get a drink of water. It's good for you.

Second, delete those pictures. I know it's hard for you. If it was easy, you would have done it months ago. But trust me, those pictures of you have of him do nothing but make you wonder about what could have been. Delete them. Delete all of them. Quick and painful, like ripping off a Band-Aid.

Third, grab a notebook and pen, go somewhere private, and write a list of everything you love. No, stop – not him. I want the first thing on your list to be you. I know you don't believe it yet, but this will bring you one step closer. You have to make yourself number one, because no one else will, and you're all you have in the end. After that, list anything you want, like peach tea, fuzzy pajama pants, that bottle of cherry blossom perfume, the beach, singing in the car with your best friend, painting each of your toenails a different color, and pretty handwriting. Tape the list on your wall where you can see it. Look at it every day. Add onto it as often as you want. Read it over and over and remember just how much there is to you.

Fourth, go on two trips. The first trip I want you to take by yourself, like a date. Go wherever you want to go, like that café you like near the park. You can walk over to the water fountain and toss in a penny afterward. Forget anyone else is there and sing your favorite song out loud. Spread out your arms and twirl around. Let your skirt swirl around your legs, take off your shoes and feel the grass beneath your feet, notice the intricacy of the clouds for what feels like the first time, and absorb the beauty around you – recognize that what you're feeling is the joy of being alive. The second trip I want you to take with your friends. I know Mindy is your closest friend, but bring Adeline and Sarah too. Turn up the volume to all those old pop songs you used to listen to and sing along with the windows down, letting the wind mess up your hair. Go to the same café you like. Check out the little stores nearby. Go to that donut place and take a group photo of you all posing with your donut. Post it on Instagram. Let them know how thankful you are for their friendship. Let them know about your journey to loving yourself. Tell them you hope they love themselves too. Soak up the big group hug that will follow.

Fifth, dye your hair that color. That pretty lavender shade you've been looking at. Go ahead and do it – you'll love it. Wear that purple eyeshadow and lipstick to match; learn a new way to braid your hair; change the wallpaper on your phone to fields of lavender; let your new favorite color infiltrate every part of your life. And, when your eyes fall on that cute bubblegum pink, go for it. Let your hair be your canvas. Fall in love with all the beautiful colors you can display and make a part of you. Get that piercing. Get that tattoo. Express yourself like you never thought you could before, and see how many beautiful things you have inside of you to share with the world.

And finally, number six: make a future for yourself that gets youexcited. Switch your major. Learn about jobs that excite you. Plan how you'regoing to decorate your first apartment. Plan what you want your first housewill look like. Think about all the traditions you're going to have withyourself, like mint tea every morning and shopping at antique stores everySaturday. Think about all the different kinds of flowers you'll have in yourkitchen and what kind of dog you'll adopt and all the trips you'll take to thebeach. Remember that you're all you have in the end, but most importantly, rememberthat's a wonderful thing.