Snapshots

Dear Little Girl,

It's okay to be nervous about starting school; just remember you won't stay nervous for very long. Remember to keep looking for new things to learn, even if it seems like you're smarter than everyone else. Remember to always get your homework done on time. I know you will at first; just make it a habit, okay? It gets harder to remember later. And when it does get harder, don't worry about being perfect. Just do your best with what you have, even if that means turning that paper in on time even though you know you could have done a better job if you had worked on it more and turned it in late. And don't worry if you don't get 100% on everything, especially math. Sometimes your best isn't the best, and I know that upsets you, but you have to be okay with that.

Don't let the boys bother you. When they pull your hair, tell them to stop, even though they won't listen at first. You might hear from some people that you should just ignore them, but please don't do that. It only shows to them and yourself that you're willing to take shit, and you really shouldn't be. You're gonna have to deal with a lot more of it later, and you need to practice standing up for yourself.

You don't actually have to make your bed every morning. You really don't have to make your bed at all if you don't want to, but it would help Mommy be in a better mood, and it would be a good habit to start now because you'll wish you'd remember to make it more often when you're older. And don't get upset when Mommy asks you to help clean the house. I know you want to go play and you think she cleans too much, but it really is nice to keep your house clean, and remember Mommy has a lot to do all by herself. Go ahead and help her out without complaining about it. Also, I know Mommy cooks for you, but take the time to learn how to cook by yourself once in a while. I know you hate it, but eventually you're gonna be the only one making your meals, and everything would be much easier if you already knew your way around the kitchen.

Remember to cut your little brother some slack. I know he's annoying. I know he listens to everyone but you. I know he comes into your room without knocking and plays with your stuff without asking. And it's good that you recognize the wrongness in all of that. But remember that he loves you, and remember that you love him, even if you don't always feel like you do. Don't punish yourself for not feeling like you love your brother sometimes – that's part of being an older sister. Just keep in mind that he's not all that bad, and he's really not a whole lot different from you.

Remember to smile when you go to visit those family members you don't really know. I know it's awkward and boring and you don't know what to say or why you have to stay for so long, but they are excited to see you and you'll get to go home eventually. Try asking where that old clock came from, what their favorite memories were from school, or how they came up with that name for their kid. They might be a lot more interesting than you think, and the questions just get easier the more you ask. But I understand that talking to people you don't know is difficult for you, so don't feel bad if you don't end up saying anything. If nothing else, smile so that's the face they'll remember until you come again next year.

Remember your privacy is important. You don't have to tell your friends who your crush is; you don't have to let your sister read your diary; you don't have to let people look through your sketchbook; you don't have to keep your bedroom door open. It doesn't matter what anyone else says, even Mommy. You have control over these things. No one else does. Don't forget that.

Trust your instincts. Adults are not always right, and if they do or say something that feels wrong, it probably is. Don't be afraid to speak up, don't normalize something that doesn't feel right, and don't believe everything people tell you, at least not at first. Grown-ups lie. A lot. Sometimes they do tell the truth, but it can be hard to tell, so always try to learn what the truth is for yourself, and never take anyone's word for it. Remember to stick by the truth once you find it, even if no one agrees with you. I know this one doesn't seem very hard right now, but it gets harder later, so just keep it in mind.

Remember which things are important to you. Keep them close. Not everything people say is important is actually that important to you, and some things that are important to you don't matter at all to anyone else. That's okay.

Don't keep toxic people around. It doesn't matter how close you used to be. It doesn't matter how closely related you are. Knowing you is a privilege, and if someone refuses to treat you right, they lose that privilege. Like Jacob. I know you don't know Jacob yet, but you will, and I also know that you'll cut him out eventually, but you should really cut him out much sooner. You'll feel like you're being mean or rude and that you should give him another chance because no one is perfect, but do it anyway. You're right that no one is perfect, but some people don't care about even being mediocre. Jacob will never change. It's not mean or rude to tell someone they're not allowed to hurt you anymore.

Don't get overwhelmed when life doesn't make sense. You'll feel overwhelmed anyway, I know, but just remember that there's a lot you don't know, so there's a lot that won't make sense. And I know life gets more confusing every day, but eventually a lot of the things you're confused about – like why you have to learn history and why some girls are mean for no reason – will make sense. I promise. And the things that don't ever make sense? Well, you'll learn to be okay with that.

Lastly, remember that emotions are valid and that it's okay to feel what you feel. It's okay to cry. It's okay to be angry. It's okay to laugh so hard you can't stop and you have to leave the room and bend over and clutch your stomach with one hand and your mouth with the other. Don't be ashamed for crying. Don't be guilty for feeling angry. Don't be embarrassed about your laugh or sense of humor. Let yourself feel with no strings attached.

I love you.

~ Future Me