[ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴇᴛᴇᴅ] Justified and Underlined

(36) Thirty-Six

ALEXIS

Life is so fucking cruel. It's unfair. Really, really unfair. It doesn't go well as we expected it to be. But she doesn't deserve all of this. Hindi ko alam kung sino ang dapat kong sisihin, but... Why Nora? Sa dinami-rami ng tao, bakit siya?

Days, weeks, months... I don't know. I lost count. Mula nang makalabas kami ng hospital dahil maayos na siya, agad na ginawa ko ang dapat kong gawin. I hired a professional for her. But she's getting worse. And every single day is so important.

Ah. I remember... lalo siyang lumala nang nalaman niyang takot na sa kaniya si Cora. It broke her so bad. And then I woke up one day, I found her alone in the dark and she can't speak anymore. She was just... nothing. It seems like she's gone. Her body is with me but... I don't know.

"Still no progress?" nanlulumong tanong ko saka napahimalos sa mukha ko.

Nora isn't with me. They took her away because she tried to harm me while I was asleep. Hindi ko gustong kunin nila si Nora, but... what can I do? It's for the best. She's currently in a mental facility and this shit hurts me a lot. Mas masakit pa ito ngayon kumpara noon. But I just can't give up now. She needs me and so do I.

Kung sana-- kung sana hindi ako umalis noon--

Pero nangyari na ang dapat mangyari at hindi makakatulong kung sisisihin ko ang sarili ko.

Well, It was because of her fucking father in the first damn place!

"Okay... thank you," anas ko saka ibinaba ang tawag.

Nilamon ako ng katahimikan. Madilim din ang kuwarto ko and I think I'm starting to lose myself, too. Yeah... right... Hindi lang pala buwan ang lumipas. Apat na taon na. Apat taon na nga pala siyang ganoon. At hindi ko na alam kung anong gagawin ko. Noong una ay maayos pa ako dahil alam kong kaya niya. Pero habang tumatagal... ayaw na rin akong patahimikin ng isipan ko.

But she'll come back soon, right?

She will. I know that she will.

Kahit ayokong lumabas ng kuwarto ay lumabas pa rin ako. I don't wanna eat but I need to. Kailangan kong alagaan ang sarili ko kahit na gusto ko nalang na magmukmok. Nora doesn't want that, she'll probably gonna smack me.

"Alexis..."

Agad na napa-tingin ako sa gawi ng babaeng tumawag sa pangalan ko. Nangunot ang noo ko nang makita ko siya. It's Aileen. And I fucking hate this bitch. Look at her, she's doing so fucking fine and she's looking good and gorgeous. At ang ate niya? Nevermind, goddamn it.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" mariing tanong ko sa kaniya. "Paano ka nakapasok?"

"The door... it's not locked."

"Yeah, I know. Now, get the fuck out of my sight." Isinara ko ang pinto ng kuwarto ko. "Hindi ko sinabing puwede ka pang magpakita sa 'kin, 'di ba?"

"I..." Napa-iwas siya ng tingin sa akin. "Gusto ko lang malaman ang kalagayan ni ate..."

Mapakla akong natawa. Humakbang ako palapit sa kaniya. I know she's scared by just looking at her eyes. But she should be really scared because I'm so fucking pissed off right now. Seeing her face makes me wanna shoot her in the head. If only I could do that.

I just... I know everything now. Kung alam ko lang noon pa, hindi ko siya sana tinulungan at hindi sana ako naniwala sa kaniya. Hindi ko lang kayang isipin na pinapanood niya ang ama niya na gawin ang mga bagay na hindi dapat gawin kay Nora ng tatay nila. She just fucking watched! At siya pa ang may karapatang sisihin ang ate niya? What kind of brain she does have, anyway?!