Living with depression feels like a hopeless battle for me. Despite everything I do, I still feel this constant cold, empty darkness right at the core of my being. Lately, it has taken me over. I can't eat or sleep normally. My energy is practically nonexistent. I haven't been able to focus on anything.
I have these recurring thoughts. That I'm a failure as a son, a sibling, a person. That my friends are secretly annoyed with me. That nothing I do will ever be good enough. That nothing I do really matters. That I'm stupid for holding on to hopes that things will get better. That nobody would really miss me if I was gone. That maybe I should finally just give up.
Depression sucks. It's fighting with your darker thoughts all day long. It's barely having the energy to go downstairs and get something to eat, even though you've been hungry for hours. It's being exhausted by just the thought of taking a shower or brushing your teeth. It's lying in bed or on the couch wishing you could do something, anything. It's standing in the sunlight but not really feeling its warmth. It's hearing your favorite song but not feeling anything. It's surviving and living a life you no longer want.
Maybe I should just give up. This has been hurting me for years and has never really gotten better. And I running out of reasons to stay. I'm running out of hope for a future that grows more bleak every minute. I'm so, so tired...
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11:26 am
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2 | BROKEN INSIDE ME
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