Morose ✔️

26

The water looked so tempting under me as I stood there in the dark. The splashing sounds as the waves hit the stone calmed me down and I took a deep breath.

Yes. This was it.

I closed my eyes and took one step closer, feeling the curb under the soles of my shoes when I stopped again. Then my heart started pounding when I heard the sound of an angry engine behind me, a screech and a crash.

I turned around, gasping, ready to pick my phone up from the ground to call for help— but what met me were a pair of soul-searching, golden eyes. In all his twisted glory, he stood in front of me, his precious motorcycle's engine still going as it laid on the ground behind him. His hand reached out, as if asking me to wait, but neither of us said anything.

We just stood there.

For a long while I just looked at him. His broad chest moved quickly with his breath— he was scared.

Helix James was scared.

He raised his eyebrows and looked at me as he took one careful step forwards. I reacted by taking one backwards, feeling the end of the curb with my heel. If I took one more step it would all be over. I'd be free.

"Olivia, please," his dark voice pleaded, my name rolling off his tongue so easily, so... naturally. "Don't." His hand turned around inviting me to grab it instead for telling me to stop. The small gesture made my heart ache, conflict building up inside me now that I'd finally come to a conclusion.

"Stop," I said to him, "you can't make me change my mind."

He nodded in agreement. "I can't, it's your decision, but I can try to help sway you in the right direction—"

"There is no right direction!" My voice cracked, and my eyes had enough of the salty sting all over again, emptying themselves down my cheeks as I fought not to hyperventilate and said, "It's only pain, guilt and sorrow! Wherever I turn there's one more thing reminding me of him, of that phone call, of my mother's broken voice, and the only thing that makes it end is if I end!"

Helix shook his head slowly, challenging my words. "Do you remember our first meeting?"

I huffed. "Yes."

"I remember seeing a broken girl tied to a moron because she wanted to end her life that very night, a broken girl that was no less beautiful than when she giggled after we had our first kiss and she asked me out on a date," he told me. "That girl wanted help. She wanted to feel whole again. Did you ever feel whole again?"

I swallowed. I did feel whole for a brief moment, but it was wrong, if only right so I'd have one more good year before it all ended. It was like I was doing something illegal, like my happiness wasn't allowed, because of what happened to my father. It still felt like my fault that he chose to leave me, and how could I smile, laugh and love knowing that?

Helix looked at me patiently as I thought about it and eventually I said, "Yes, I did, but it was wrong. I don't deserve it, with what I did— or didn't do— I don't deserve it!"

"Do I?" He took another step towards me, staring into my eyes, searching my soul again, as if he could find a way to pull me back from the edge inside my mind. "Do I deserve it, Olivia? To love you, be loved by you, be happy and live my life how I want to?"

"Of course!"

"Then why don't you?" he yelled at me, my body tensed and my heart beat faster and faster. Again. He took another step, and I took one back, pebbles plopping down into the strong current under me as he lowered his voice again and said, "I did something way worse than you— I took a life, I killed someone, I ripped someone's son, brother, friend and boyfriend from so many people—"