Morose ✔️

27

After everything, I decided to keep choosing life. I decided that the part of me that was aching to leave wouldn't be heard, that I was going to get everything out when I went back to therapy, and I was going to get well.

My intrusive thoughts stopped after a while— or at least they died down a lot more, and I was able to zone them out, and focus on other things. Like Helix's amazing cooking.

A couple of months after my last attempt, on the one-year anniversary of the night Helix and I first saw each other, he asked me if I wanted to live with him. "I'm getting dangerously close to my thirties," he'd said, "and I'd love to get out of the clubhouse, get a house of my own or something, and I'd like it if you lived in said house with me."

It wasn't hard to say yes.

So we were house hunting, trying to find a place that met both our needs. I had to admit I didn't have too many needs or things I wanted for a house. Deep windows, so I could have flowers on the sills, and a few extra bedrooms for visitors and a home office. Helix wanted a spacious kitchen with modern appliances and a garage with enough space for a car and his motorcycle, as well as space to fix both of them whenever that would be needed. It seemed doable, and we both had some savings we could use for a downpayment.

I bit my lip and stared at the house in front of us. Blue on the outside, white moldings, a new, shiny roof and a big patio that wrapped around to the back of the house. The garage was down by the road, big and spacious, just like Helix wanted, and he made sure to tell me so as he leaned down behind me and whispered into my ear.

He liked the house. I did too, if I was honest.

"Do you think it's good enough inside?" I asked, arching my brows at him as he hung our helmets onto the steering wheel of his bike.

"I hope so," he replied, "the pictures seemed pretty great."

He grabbed my hand, squeezing it lightly as he led me up the graveled path to the house.

From the entrance there was a big hallway with lots of room for shoes and jackets, the stairs leading up to the second floor was the first thing I saw when I stepped inside, and Helix whistled as he entered after me. The real estate agent smiled and greeted us, she'd helped us look at a few other houses as well, but we didn't really fall in love with any of them. I could already say that this one was a lot better than all the others— maybe even combined.

To the right was the living room. Big, with a built-in fireplace covered in stone tiles, room for a large sofa and a big TV, if we wanted. It connected with the dining room and a big double door out to the patio we saw from the road, and around the corner was the kitchen. Helix disappeared into it and emerged a second later with a smirk on his face. "You gotta see this, baby," he said, beckoning me in there with him as I inspected the view from the dining room.

I followed him, and my jaw dropped as I saw what looked like the exact kitchen Helix had described that he wanted. Black, sleek cupboards, a white porcelain sink sunken down into one of the countertops— who were all in white marble— and modern, integrated appliances. A big island sat in the middle, making the room seem even bigger somehow, and he pushed me against it, still with that smirk on his face as he said with his low, seductive voice, "Imagine sitting on top of this with a glass of wine while I make you my lasagna for our date night."

I couldn't help my giggle. "That would be pretty great," I admitted, smiling up at him.

"You like it?" the real estate agent asked, smiling our way. "You look way happier so far than before, at least."

"Definitely," Helix replied, lacing his fingers with mine.

As we continued through the house, we found that the master bedroom had a walk-in closet, which had always been a dream of mine to have, but I never really thought I'd get it, and there were two extra bedrooms, three if you counted the room I very loudly said I wanted as my office with a large window and bookshelves built into the walls. It was lovely. It was everything we both wanted, and even more.