This is How it Starts || Ashton Irwin

Chapter 10

He slowly rubs his thumb back and forth across the back of my hand and it sent shivers up my arm. I realize I don't know where we're going so I asked him.

"I don't know yet," he lowered the music.

"What do you mean you don't know yet?" I said more angrily than I intended.

"We can't just drive for right now?" he asked.

"Well I'll tell you that your driving isn't the most pleasant thing in the world." I told him. Which was half true. The other half was the fact that I absolutely hate not knowing whats going on which includes surprises, pop quizzes, and driving around in circles with boys I've just met the day before.

"Fine then," He pouted and pulled to the side of the road.

"What are you doing now?" I asked.

"You ask a lot of questions," he said and kinda hurt my feelings until he added "I really like that."

"Is that your way of saying you like me?" I said as he put the car in park.

"That obvious?" he smiled. I didn't say anything else so I turned to look out the window. Cars zoomed passed us and gave dirty looks because we were half on the road and people had to swerve to get around the car. Ashton reached over and grabbed my hand again. Lovely.

"You have really soft hands," he whispered.

"What is this Ashton?" I suddenly remarked.

"What is what?" he laughed.

"Why are you flirting with me?"

"Who said I was flirting with you? Unless you want me to be flirting with you? And I thought we cleared up the fact that I liked you before."

"But why me? What did I even do?"

"Trust me, it's been you since you walked into the coffee shop."

"Ashton," I said softening my tone, "I'm unstable. Whatever you want us to have, we can't have."

"And why not?"

"I just told you!" he wasn't holding my hand anymore but I don't remember him letting go. "Why would you want to date some girl who is so shallow that she can't even realize all the blessings in her life and she hates herself but she can't do anything about it!"

He didn't say anything and I'm not surprised. I wish he would say that I'm not shallow and that I deserve everything I have but he doesn't because everything I said was the truth and he knows it.

"Do you know who Virginia Woolf is?" he said quietly.

"No," I sighed.

"She's an author. Well I mean she was an author. She committed suicide. In her suicide note to her husband she wrote, 'if anybody could have saved me it would have been you.' "

I waited a minute and thought it over,"So your trying to save me?" I rolled my eyes.

"No, you saved me."

The cars kept driving by, Ashton held my hand, and in that moment, I felt wanted.