I'm losing myself.
I'm not trying to sound dramatic.
Just something I've noticed.
Something I was denying.
Putting the blame on others.
Putting the blame on everything else.
My exhaustion.
The people spitting acid on my back.
But at the end.
I'm just losing myself.
Losing myself to greed.
Losing myself to anger.
Losing myself to despair.
Disappointment.
Shame.
Haunted by failure.
I'm no longer the caring guy I once was.
Gone is the soft side.
Gone is the warmth as the cold settled in.
I'm losing what I used to be.
I'm looking back but I only see the shadows.
Of what once was.
A better version.
A wall people could lean on.
Climb on to get higher.
Now I have crumbled.
The wall has fallen to pieces.
Showing only the dark alleyways that laid beyond.
A flame once burning bright.
Started to flicker.
And is now gone.
Burning no more.
Not lighting the dark anymore.
The beacon : destroyed.
Its light : swallowed by selfish shadows.
The shepherd lost the group.
Alone in a forest of pain.
I'm losing myself.
And I don't know if I can climb back up the dark hole I fell in.
Gone is the will to create
Gone is the will to write.
To hold the pen is painful.
Ink or blood ?
I don't even know.
Thanks for the memories.
Thanks for everything my friend did.
To deserve such kindness is not something I hoped.
I hoped I would be left in the dust.
That the ashes of the past were finally taking their leave in the wind.
From kind to cruel.
From caring to manipulative.
From happiness to anger.
From love to hate.
Yes my friend I'm telling you.
Today I'm turning my back on the world.
Today I lost myself.
