the shape of ed // an ed sheeran love story

5- under the bleachers

mr sheeran pranced across the football field with his greasy red hair bouncing on top of his spherical melon of a head.

"ELLO LUV! HOWAH YEW?" He yelled while still skipping towards me.

I looked at his sweaty white face and was disgusted by him but still very intrigued at the immaculate mystery behind this tiny little ginger.

He finally got to me and was out of breath. He took a sensual puff from his inhaler and unfocused his eyes on me again.

"Yew look greasy todaye." He said, and then he immediately broke my kneecaps. I fell to the ground in slow motion and he ran away as fast as he could.

I didn't need my knees anyway so I didn't care. But since I'm quirky and different, that means I'm also more capable than everyone else so I regrew my kneecaps instantly and was stronger than ever. I also grew wheels out of my feet and rolled across the football field and caught ed before he could get away. I tackled him to the ground and ripped his nose off.

I put the nose in my jeans pocket just in case he deserved it later.

"I can't believe you made me do this." I said to him. He looked back up at my greasy face and whispered, "you smell like diarrhea." I was so mad that I ripped out a clump of his damp orange hair and put it into a ziplock bag for later. I looked at him one last time before I zoomed away at the speed of light on my feet wheels.