Ajeeb

What Then Lasts Forever

Best friend haan?... "Does she know about your therapist?"

"Yea."

"And how does she feel about it?..."

"Of course she doesn't approve but she can't control what I do. In fact when we broke up I was a mess and she helped me. She was the only one who knew what was wrong and the only one I could really talk to."

"Are Aimen and Aiza friends?"

"She's my friend, that's all that matters." Just as he said that, Aimen called. I saw her picture flash across his iPhone screen and rethought what I had previously, "She looks perfect. This doesn't make any sense... He has to be doing this for the thrill of it. What could possibly be so wrong with her? How can it drive him into cheating on her?"

"Hello, Yes" In a split second his voice changed from casual to sweet. With the way Aimen replied I knew she knew he was serving her a big bowl of the Amir fake sweet special. I knew it. She knew it but he didn't know that we knew it! Then he said, 'Aap' and that word worked like a trigger, it told her something was up. She kept goading him for information — she totally knows. There's no way she doesn't know. "Ok, Allah-hafiz(goodbye)." My unease was palpable after their exchange. He could tell, "She only calls me when she needs something."

"... like what?"

"Like she just wants me home because that's when she gets a break from Aisha."

"Yeah, how unreasonable of her for expecting you to take responsibility of a child she made completely on her own." & how guilt ridden I felt for being the reason he ditched this responsibility. "What a bitch!" Sarcasm can sometimes sting.

*Aap — Term of endearment used in Urdu speaking countries usually to address your elders e.g. mother, father, sister and brother.

If you had to choose between two people, one who you love and the one who loves you and you picked the second one thinking they'll always be the one. FYI. You should have picked none! Cause both of them are not the one! "Like I did everything for her Rania. I did everything. Absolutely everything. I gave my everything to this relationship. I gave every fucking thing I ever had. It hurts to explain it. How much I let go of myself when it came to her. For so many years it was like I was the only one making all the sacrifices and when it was her turn to do something for me she just couldn't come through. No. She didn't want to. It's like she didn't even try."

"..I don't understand..."

"... ok, so it's a very simple thing to close the door. She doesn't close the cupboard door. It's been nine years. Nine years! Of me telling her, thinking she'll eventually understand how much it bothers me. She just doesn't get it!" Yes I know you're thinking he sounds insane. I did too but he wouldn't to those of you who have OCD too. "You know what, forget it. It's marriage — is complicated. Just know that I gave her a 110% and now I can't even give two and it hurts me the most that I can't give two but I've given so much of myself already. I really don't have anything left to give."

I wanted to hug him so bad. I probably would have if he wasn't driving and my ex's rants didn't ring through my ears reminding me, 'You know what guys think about you when you touch their knee, right? You know what he thinks you're up for? Or down for? Whatever way it is that girls like you understand.' No. It's better that I don't touch him. He's married and I look over to see his hands are busy. Good. He squeezes his stress ball, it lessens his anxiety. I deep breathe.

"Why did you?" I ask.

"What?"

"Give a 100?"

Sigh... "Well, the fact that she was from LGS helped. I thought she's all I would ever want. Like she is from a wealthy family and you saw the way she looks..."