Ajeeb

Love Is My Choice Of Drug

We hadn't slept on the same bed for two years. My wife and two kids slept on the mattress while I slept on the floor. I'd be lying if I said I wanted it any other way. It'd be one of the many things I would be lying about. Like having to stay late at work, or going out to smoke a joint & not being in love with my therapist. Aimen figured that one out the hard way. It was one evening when our friends came over. Nothing was mine or hers anymore. Everything was ours, even our friends! 13 years of marriage does that to you, it takes away your sense of self. Two bodies, one soul they call it, I call sucking the soul out of you. "You know Risham's really pretentious. Right? Like who the hell decides to be vegan and make it everyone else's problem. I swear I am not ordering food worth 10 k just so she can come to dinner, she can pack her own stuff and bring it next time!" Aimen continued to make fun of the way Risham walked and talked. "Stop, this isn't funny. No. I'm serious, I don't want you talking behind her back like that." Everyone looked at me, "Could you calm down, you know it's just a joke right?" "Well I don't want anyone making any jokes at her expense. She's my therapist & none of anyone's business." Aimen held her tears back in that moment but I knew there would be hell to face once we were alone.

"I know what's happening &..."

"Nothing's happening."

"You've changed, it's been months after Rahim was born. You're not the same. You're never home and you care more about how your stupid therapist feels and not your own family!" I stayed quiet. Saying anything was useless when I couldn't admit what she was saying was right.

I was the only lucky client she was seeing in person during covid. "Skip work, come over!" The pandemic turned out to be a blessing in disguise. "You can work in my room next door while I conduct my sessions on zoom." It wasn't a debate, I was coming over but I wanted to know more about how we would be spending our day. "I have a really bad migraine." I wasn't gonna tell her the source was my wife screaming at me last night. "Well I know all the pressure points on that big forehead of yours, so that won't be a problem. Are you coming or not?" I smiled thinking about her smile as I said, "Open the door"

Risham is vegan so the fact that she made me eggs was more than enough but when her fingers dug deep into my scalp, only God can describe the feeling. I let her play with my temple as I maneuvered the whole situation. My phone was already connected to her speakers Bluetooth and I could play whatever I wanted to hear while I was inside her. Luckily I had prepared a Cigarettes After Sex playlist in advance, just for this kind of day. The playlist loop replayed 13 times on repeat.

"I can't believe I'm 3 years older than you". I looked straight at her as I said, "Well, it doesn't matter because you look younger than me." I kissed her open mouth. God I wish I could clone her and keep her with me forever. "Oh, before I forget your skin was breaking out so I got you medicine to help with that, I knew you weren't gonna go so... I just." I didn't know what to say, I couldn't even remember the last time someone had done anything for me. So I didn't say anything. Instead I showed her how I felt & surprised myself in the process. I really was willing to do anything to keep this woman in my life.

It was clear today was going to be a lazy work day for both of us so we made the best of it. I never took any days off. I loved work and I loved making a sale. What I didn't love was the going home part. That's when Aimen called & she kept calling until I picked up and I hated picking up because it made Risham uncomfortable. Sometimes she grew so uncomfortable that she left the room and that's when the screaming match would start between my wife and I. This same cycle would repeat itself tomorrow.

We had a good run for an unforgettable 6 months. The most beautiful, amicable & memorable 6 months of my life. There are few things that compare and even the birth of my child is a close second. I couldn't really get past the initial shock. One day she was coming directly to see me after an ecstasy trip she took with her friends up north and the next moment she said it's over. I didn't hear her because it's me, I mean. I made her confess she loves me on the phone. She told me it would be impossible and I made her do it. I made her fall in love with me. How can it be over? We can't be over — I punched a hole into her wall! She recoiled in fear and I didn't even notice the tears that were streaming down my cheeks. I love her. How could I make her flinch? Or feel like I could even think about hurting her. I got down on my knees and breathed in the smell of her torso. If it was the last time this was going to be happening I was going to make it last for a while. My knuckles were bleeding and from what we did, I still don't know how she got the blood stains out of her couch from that day.