Ajeeb

God Send Her For Me

With the passage of time marriage becomes something different. It becomes whatever helps you provide. Risham helped me provide & that's all that mattered. That I could perform and do my best. Beat my targets and be my best. At work. At home. I could play with her. What worked is what got results. Today I sound this confident just because of her. She is my drug of choice and thank God she chooses me. She chooses to give me therapy. I remember what it felt like before. Before I walked into her office. Before I sat uneasily on her couch, her toned arms gesturing that I get comfortable because we were in for a long ride. A long ride indeed. Little did I know I would worship the ground she walked on from then on.

Playing basketball was my initial dream and while John Mayor played in the background I could perform as well in bed as I did on the court. There's a personal badge of honor I wore because I managed to keep it in my pants for my wife to be. My wife, my cousin who I couldn't seem to get out of my head because I was obsessed with proving that I could marry a woman who resembled my mother and make her submit to me. Risham said that was the problem with me that I couldn't see how controlling lives would backfire eventually. I couldn't stop using people to keep me entertained, even Aimen was a challenge. We didn't get along with her side of the family. I didn't know it then but I cooked up a situation, similar to a reluctant Juliet with a resilient Romeo. I know I sound insane but I needed stimulation, that's why I was in sales.

Everything in life needed to feel like a challenge. A challenge got me high, every time I convinced my then to be wife to sneak out of the house & betray her family's trust. It felt like I won (like I made a selling pitch) & oh God did I love winning. Risham was my new challenge, a therapist fornicating with her client. I jerked off to the thought of how ethically & professionally irresponsible it would be of her. I dream about her choosing me. Choosing to be with me over everything else, even her livelihood. Like me she loved her work & that's what made it more attractive. After all she wasn't just some ordinary therapist, she graduated from Cornell & I always wanted to date above my league, Ivy league to be exact.

I remember the first time I saw her. No! not my wife. Risham. She came to my house, my mother was a therapist too. Strange how I was so reluctant to go for therapy in the first place, that's when I got a good look at her. I couldn't believe it because she didn't look 38. She knew I had children, so that made it more challenging & even more to my liking. She's big on meditation. I'm watching her breathe right now, watching her chest rise and fall. I'm trying to hear what she is saying but all I can do is look and wonder how she smells. Unthinkingly I walk towards her and sit on the carpeted floor right in front of her. I tell her I breathe better this way, when I breathe her in. She smiles. It helps with the anxiety. It helps take my senses away and my goal is to take hers away too.

It's been less than 8 months. Risham texts me often & that rush of excitement is beyond anything I ever felt for Aimen. I mean I was an outsider and having a girlfriend from LGS helped me fit in. Imagine what having a girlfriend from Cornell could help me achieve. In fact, it is helping me achieve. Everyday Risham flirts back on texts and it feels even better than when I close a new deal. I don't go directly home, she lives alone and I go to her. I push the boundaries more and more everyday. There's no wall between us anymore. We've become more than just friends. I notice little things she loves like making joints out of imported herbal tea. That relaxes us both & enough for me to get her into the mood. That's when I play what I hope will be our song, 'Slow Dancing In a Burning Room'. This feels so right because it is so wrong & I'm not ashamed to admit how proud I am of the fact that she initiated it. Our first kiss. She ate me up and I wanted to be eaten. I had never felt this before. I felt no guilt. I didn't feel guilty. I knew I was cheating on my wife but this woman. This woman was my own personal god in human form. I would choose her over the world. She just had to choose me first.

"Promise me you'll marry me & I'll leave my wife today!" She said no. "Why?!?" "Because are you blind! You have kids & one of them needs a father more than ever!" She was talking about Rahim but I don't talk about that. "I will take care of everything if you just promise to be with me." I got thrown out of her house for that. It wouldn't be the last time. Making her love me was my mission. I didn't want to be alone and this thing with Risham, it felt like true love. I now know what that feels like. I thought I had it with Aimen but ever since we had kids or Rania in particular, she's less of a wife and more a mother. I needed love and for that I found a lover that helped me provide.