My Short Stories

Spoof!

A wispy form floated over the town. A wide grin split its face. Finally, after decades of human rituals that purged ghosts from existence, he could roam free. Humans had forgotten all about the ghosts that terrorised them in the past; pelting them with sponges and generally making their lives horrible.

They had forgotten their daily rituals: Brush your teeth with your fingers, nibble bits of cottage cheese for an hour, and finally, swim with sharks.

Spoof wasn't quite sure how these daily routines stopped them, but he wasn't about to question it. Humans were strange, and thinking about their strange things nearly gave him a headache, one even Jackinson couldn't cure with his head massages.

Surprisingly, there were few and far humans out and about. There were many that were quite reclusive, but still. This was odd. Even for humans.

The spectre shifting form, turning invisible. He floated down next to a human. The human was wearing a mask, walking down to a grocery store with a—sanitiser—or whatever it was. Spoof mused for a moment.

Why was a human wearing a mask? Maybe to protect themselves from spectres that liked to travel down their mouths and ears and nostrils. He had seen a ghost go through a humans nose.

When a spectre possess a living creature, said creature goes a bit stir crazy for a while. When you go into their sensitive parts like noses or ears, you start to get something really strange.

The human had gone a bit nuts, hopping around—howling as if he had been shot. Drooling and barking like a dog. Not a pleasant sight at all.

But then again, humans had totally forgotten about their rituals for years and centuries. Booking travels to the overworld had become increasingly harder as humans started killing each other more frequently, bombing each other and what not.

If a spirit possessed a human, and their host died—the spirit also died. That's why most spectres were picky—choosing a host that was young and spry.

The ghost shrugged. He passed his arm through the human's cranium, accessing all it's thoughts. It was thinking about something called an exam, with all sorts of boring tidbits of info. The spirit extracted it's hand, thinking all that info was useless. All it wanted was a human who was dumb and stupid—easy to possess.
Although not to stupid. He had made that mistake and his head nearly exploded with all the nonsense that was being processed by that particular human's brain.

Alas, this was a large mistake.

The spirit wandered around, until a particular house caught it's interest. It sniffed the air. Ghost noses were sensitive and could pick up vital data.

Spoof smelt that this human was numbed and uncaring about anything. Perfect. Spoof floated through the wall, trembling with excitement. At last! A human to possess! Spirits could possess other animals, but humans were so much more complex, so much fun to toy around with.

Humans had irrational fears—ones which ghosts could take advantage of.

He phased through the wall and entered a living room. The room was modest, with wooden furniture and a normal-size TV.

Flopped across the couch was a human reeking of brain-deadness. Spoof inadvertently entered the visible spectrum, due to his body vibrating too much with euphoria.

The human barely noticed. 'So you're a ghost huh?'

Spoof looked flabbergasted. 'You're not surprised?'

'Well yeah. There's a freaking worldwide pandemic going on—people dying and stuff. We're pretty numb to everything at this point.'

Spoof made a face. At least with all the humans dying, Spoof could fool the humans in their own houses for a bit. But apparently they were too bored to care about anything. He would make them care.

'I can break your mind you know, hijack your body,' Spoof said. He morphed himself into a larger form, grew until his head hit the ceiling. Come on, this should work.

'Sure. It would a godsend. I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore.'

'Don't be like that!'

'Why not?'

'Because it's not fun! You know, I came here after waiting for centuries. Centuries!'

'And?'

'And you're supposed to be afraid. I'm a ghost!' Squeaked Spoof.

'Man, I really don't care. Hey, can you give me that TV remote!'

'I demand you listen to me!'

'Already listening bro.'

'Good. Now suspend your boredom and act scared.'

'Ooo, look. A spooky, spooky ghost,' The human replied dryly.

'You're not giving your best!'

'Why should I?'

'That's how it's supposed to wok!' Spoof stomped on the ground angrily. 'You're supposed to be afraid of me!'

'Not getting the scary-vibes, pal!'

Spoof suddenly started getting larger and larger, until he was the size of an elephant. His teeth turned sharp and deadly, glinting in the sun. His eyes turned blood-red.

The human looked unimpressed. 'Can I have the remote?'

Spoof huffed and threw the remote out of the window. The human barely even blinked. 'No remote,' he declared.

The human shrugged. He reached out and grabbed his phone, texting some of his other friends.

'What are you doing?'

'Texting.' Spoof was familiar with the term. He had heard it somewhere in the 2000s.

'With who?'

'Friends. It's the only thing keeping me sane during the pandemic.'

Spoof grinned. He grabbed the phone out of the huma's hands, holding far away from his reach.

'I got your phone,' he taunted.

The human eyes rolled back into it's head. Spoof frowned. He hadn't expected to kill the human. Oh well.

Suddenly the human started spasming out. His limbs shook and tremors passed through them. He flew into the air, his head doing a 360 degree turn while his hands failed around helplessly.

Spoof yelped and dropped the phone. The human went even more nuts, spinning around like a tornado. Spoof got slapped repeatedly in the face by a bunch of unintended slaps.

'I am done with this,' the spectre screamed, disappearing with a single crack. He wasn't going to visit the human world for another century.

The humans stopped swinging around and promptly landed on his feet. Footsteps came down the stairs.

A freckled face peeked through the doorframe, with spectacles askew his nose. 'What was all the racket about?'

The human shrugged. 'A ghost came in. Tried to possess me, he said. Then for some reason he left.'

'To be honest, I'm not even surprised. Last week California had wildfires all over the place. Wouldn't be surprised if aliens invaded us.'

'Totally,' agreed the human.