how to write smut

bdsm: safewords, terminology & power exchange

you read that title right- this is technically a bdsm/kink-related chapter! we're easing into it, though, so no whips or latex in this chapter, sadly. good things come to those that wait. 

if you're writing a smut scene in which there's bdsm or kinks of some sort, you should know about safewords, communication, and power exchange. also in here are some helpful words commonly found in kink that you should know so you know what you're on about! 

also, now would be the time to throw any fifty shades expectations out the window. those books are garbage and teach you nothing. at some point i might go over one of the kinkier scenes in it just so i can point out where it all went wrong (tell me if that sounds good to you lmao). anyway, let's get on with it. 

THE FIRST VERY IMPORTANT THING

if you take absolutely nothing away from this chapter except one thing, this should be that thing. this section is all about safewords. 

what are safewords, you might be asking? safewords are words or actions used in bdsm to signal when a bdsm scene should stop/slow down. for example, if one of your characters is tied up, and they want to stop whatever's going on, they would say whatever safeword the characters had previously agreed on. 

this word (or multiple, depending on your system) will immediately stop everything. it is a word typically not something you'd say during sex, so words like "uncle" or "rosebud" would be good safewords. 

there are different systems of safewording- one is the traffic light system. if your character says "green", that means they're happy with what's going on, and the scene can continue. "yellow" means slow down, and "red" would mean a full, hard stop. 

your characters should always have a safeword or some way to stop things whenever necessary during a scene. actually, they should have some way to revoke consent even during vanilla sex. consent is so important and it does not look good or feel hot if your scene is reckless and consent is dubious. unless, of course, you intended for that to be the case. otherwise- safewords, everyone- your characters should use them. 

TOPS AND BOTTOMS

the phrases "top" and "bottom" refer to people, as you probably guessed. tops are generally the people giving or performing an action, whereas bottoms receive said action. this is not generally a thing pertaining to power exchanges the way Dom/sub relationships are. it can be as simple as the top being the guy who's eating the girl out and the bottom being the girl who's getting eaten (ate? help). 

DOMS AND SUBS

"dom" refers to "dominant", the person who has the power, control and authority in a D/s relationship. "sub" refers to "submissive", the person who has given some amount of power, control and/or authority to the Dom within said D/s relationship. 

to reiterate: top/bottom is about action. D/s is about power and control. 

SWITCHES

switches are people who can top or bottom as they like. this also applies to D/s relationships- switches can be both Dominants and submissives. they are sometimes referred to as versatile or versatiles. 

DIFFERENT LEVELS OF POWER EXCHANGE

notice also that i said the sub is the person who has given some amount of power to the Dom. i'd suggest taking a look at a BDSM youtuber named Evie Lupine for more in-depth information about that, considering she has great content and is actually how i learned about this! 

here's a link to her bdsm 101 playlist! https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLmm2pb8hUJfV6NTyvX_us3kEYELb93n0A again, i highly suggest you watch at least some of these videos if you're thinking about writing something involving bdsm or kink. 

in any case, there are different levels of power exchange within D/s relationships. this usually is determined by what area of control the submissive is giving to the Dominant. typically that area is sexual domination, which is the most widespread and well-known, but areas of control also include financial control and control over someone's physical faculties. ultimately, the level of power exchange involved depends on you and your characters. 

COMMUNICATION, AND WHY YOU CAN'T JUST LEAP INTO D/s RELATIONSHIPS/SCENES:

communication is important. even in a regular relationship, it needs to happen, or the relationship could crash and burn. 

in D/s relationships, this is even more paramount. you can't leap into a scene without having the characters discuss what's going to happen, what won't happen, safewords, kinks, etc. the planning might be boring, but it shows the readers that you've put thought into this, and that your characters want to treat each other right (unless, of course, that's not the case, in which case disregard all of that, pretty much). 

i hope this helped you somewhat! love ya <3

xxx adam