how to write smut

basic writing tips 1

i wanted to get right into the smut tips but let's face it- some of the stuff i see on wattpad is just written... poorly. however, that doesn't mean it can't ever be fixed! so here are some basic writing tips that drive me insane when people don't do them.

1. write your dialogue correctly

have you ever seen a book where the text is one big block? you don't see (at least in most professionally-published books) stuff like this:

"hello," i said. "hi," he said back.

it's just not right. it'd actually be written like this:

"hello," i said.

"hi," he said back.

that does in fact mean that every time someone new speaks, you have to hit enter. is there a paragraph above the character's line? hit enter when they speak. the paragraph and the line of dialogue are separate ideas.

2. put the quotation marks in the right place

i'm serious, this is so easy, and some people just don't do it. it doesn't look good and it's not even the correct way to write.

what NOT to do:

"hello" i said.

"hi" he said back.

what TO do:

"hello," i said.

"hi," he said back.

the punctuation ALWAYS goes inside the quotation marks, and yes, you ALWAYS need to have punctuation.

3. punctuation: a brief overview of when and how to use it

EXCLAMATION POINTS (typically used to express emotion. use sparingly.) -"hi!" i said as i walked over to my friends.

DASHES (typically used to express an incomplete thought/someone getting cut off, or as a way to connect two ideas.) - "did you know-" just then, a shout from behind us interrupted our conversation. or "that's when i told him- you know, because he likes me- that i didn't feel the same way."

COMMAS (typically used in sentences to join ideas, sometimes in the place of periods in quotations. DO NOT use at the end of a sentence.) - "i knew that," i lied. i hadn't studied for the quiz at all.

QUESTION MARKS (used to ask a question, rhetorical or otherwise.) - "did she really say that?"

A NOTE ABOUT SEMICOLONS

use semicolons very, very sparingly. most people don't know how to properly use them, so i suggest you google how to use them before you try adding them in. if you think you know what they are and how to use them, chances are, you're wrong, so google it anyway. they are also not to be used in the place of a colon.

COLONS (used right before an explanation, list, etc.) - at the top of my paper, i wrote: TAX EVASION.

4. a note about epithets

if you've read anything, ever, at all, you've come across epithets. examples include:

- "the man"

- "the woman"

- "the child"

- and pretty much "the" preceding a descriptor (e.g. "the blonde man" or "the nerdy girl")

DO NOT USE THESE IN REFERENCE TO CHARACTERS. IF YOU DO, USE THEM INCREDIBLY SPARINGLY.

there is a very good reason for this! it's literally just not professional! it doesn't make your writing look good and ultimately, unless we're unaware of your character's identity, doesn't do anything for the story or character. the ONLY way this is acceptable is if, again, we as the readers are completely unaware of this person's identity. and once we do know, DROP THE EPITHETS ENTIRELY. they DO NOT help you after that.

examples where we don't know the character:

the blonde man i had been looking at all evening finally came up to me.

the secretary looked over at me, and she didn't seem impressed.

the sunburned man winced as he moved. he looked like he needed some aloe.

examples where we DO (and these are WRONG):

the hunter looked over at his friend.

i was out with my best friend. the dark-haired boy turned to me and asked what i wanted to eat.

the woman turned to say hello to me. (used in a situation where we know who this woman is)

5. PLEASE GOD use grammarly

you are not above grammarly. you aren't. i don't care if you've got a phd in writing, you need to use some form of grammar checker. i personally use (as you could probably have guessed) grammarly, but there are a million other spelling and grammar checking programs out there. USE THEM! they are not around for you to just look at from afar! it says nothing about your writing ability to use a checker (it says something about your grammar/spelling, but that's another issue). use it. please.

6. parentheses and punctuation

ah yes, parentheses! used to explain something or put it in as an afterthought. note that the sentence they accompany must be GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT BY ITSELF.

example: i realized, as i left the store, that i had forgotten the orange juice (oops)!

now, what's this about punctuation, you might ask? what's that got to do with anything?

WELL. i used to make the mistake of putting the punctuation for the WHOLE SENTENCE in the parentheses. DON'T DO THAT.

example: i realized, as i had left the store, that i had forgotten the orange juice (oops!)

or the more common: i thought about the essay (as stressed as it was making me.)

that's a hard no!! do not do that! punctuation at the END! if you put a question in parentheses and put a question mark inside that's fine, same with a dash, but for everything else? NO PUNCTUATION BESIDES COMMAS IN THE PARENTHESES.

7. commas and a big misuse of them

something i see ALL THE BLOODY TIME is when people do stuff like this:

i realized i hadn't bought the orange juice. but, i had gotten everything else, which was good.

YOU DO NOT NEED THAT COMMA RIGHT THERE, BETWEEN "but" AND THE PHRASE "i had". you DON'T. it's just unnecessary AND it's grammatically incorrect. this drives me the MOST nuts out of everything on this list. DON'T DO THIS.

the actual grammatically correct sentence that doesn't make me want to rip out my hair: i realized i hadn't bought the orange juice. but i had gotten everything else, which was good.

those are my seven basic writing tips that i thought were the most pertaining to new writers! i hope you liked this chapter, and we'll get on with the smut soon.

xxx jonny