cadnis oneshots so i can get some f*cking sleep

the intervention

Cady and Janis both frown in confusion and look to each other.

"You two need to chill with the lovey-dovey shit," Regina adds boredly. "We thought this was the best way."

"What do you mean?" Cady pouts. She thought they were allowed to be cute together. She's only been dating Janis for four months, and Janis is leaving for a whole other state soon.

"Shall I begin?" Damian asks, brandishing his letter and looking to the Plastics for approval. They nod, so he unfolds the paper and starts. "Ahem. To start, I want to make it clear that I love you both dearly. I really do. But there is only so much a lonely, solitary, isolated gay can take. On more than one occasion, your token gay has had one sided conversations, eventually talking to himself, while you two were busy making out a few feet away. Clearly you had forgotten you had company."

-

"Did you guys see that? I've always wanted to know how they did that," Damian asks excitedly. The art freaks are all curled up together in Janis' basement, showing Cady the Matilda movie for the first time. They've just gotten to the exploding television scene, one of Damian's favorites. "Guys?"

He looks to his left to find Cady straddling Janis, hovering over her face as the two are completely lip-locked. They've clearly been that way for a while, and totally missed the scene. Damian wonders how much of this iconic movie Cady is actually watching and how much was just an excuse to get cuddles and kisses from her girlfriend.

He looks back to keep watching the movie, trying to ignore the smooches happening next to him. He gets a few minutes further in before he looks to find Janis tugging at the hem of Cady's shirt.

"Hey!" Damian calls, covering his eyes. "I don't want to see that, gross!"

Cady yelps and jumps off of Janis, accidentally crashing over the arm of the couch and onto the floor. Janis looks between both of them in concern, not sure who to address first. Cady gives a whine from the ground, so she checks on her first.

"You good, baby?"

"Absolutely not," Cady groans. "I'm sorry, Dame, we forgot you were here."

Damian stands and goes to help her up. "It's fine, Little Slice. Just be more aware next time."

"Yeah, sorry, Damie," Janis says sheepishly as Cady crawls back into her lap and tries to hide her embarrassed blush in her shoulder. "We'll be more careful."

They were not more careful.

————-

Janis and Cady both look very sheepish as Damian concludes his message to them.

"We're really sorry, Damian," Cady apologizes sadly.

"Oh, this is only the beginning," Damian says. They don't like how ominous he's sounded through this day so far. "Who's next?"

"I'll go next!" Karen pipes up. She seems happy to be there, at least. Janis doesn't know whether to be touched or offended that they all took the time to put this together. "I'm glad you guys are so happy together! You're totally adorably in love, like me and Gretch. I do wish you would be a little quieter, though."

—————

"Caddy, do you wanna go to the gym with Gretchen and I this weekend? She's bringing Karen, it could be like a fun doubles thing," Janis asks one evening while Cady makes popcorn.

"Ooh, yeah, that sounds fun!" Cady says, dumping the bag out into a big bowl. It also sounds kind of hot, getting to see her girlfriend work out. That's the main reason she's wanted to join her sometime.