TELEGRAM
Chiroro
online
Today at 11:47 AM
Hey.
Lila said you suddenly left in the middle of your class for an emergency.
Is there something wrong?
Message me back if you're unwell.
Take care of yourself please
2:37 PM
Nakauwi na.
7:43 PM
I'm fine
Sorry for the late reply
I took a long nap.
Can I stay in your unit?
For one night lang
I can't breathe properly here :(
It pains me when Mama tries to conceal her emotions to make me feel better.
7:56 PM
I'll pick you up.
Our apartment was dark. Kakagising ko lang mula sa pagkaidlip at nabigla ako nang wala nang liwanag na namumutawi sa labas ng bintana. Inayos ko ang strap ng bag sa braso at tahimik na huminto sa harap ng pintuan ni Mama.
I peeked inside the room and I felt my chest tightened to see her hugging a familiar photobook while sleeping soundly. A photobook... again.
Marami kaming pinag-usapan kanina. ’Di ko mapigilang ngumiti nang alalahanin ang mga paksang dinaanan namin. We talked about her attempted resignation and how she see Papa working in the same building as hers. We talked about girl problems, talked about boys, talked about my arts, and how she was so proud of me for carrying all those setbacks without her, and how regretful she is for being self-absorbed that she somewhat forgot I exists.
I definitely doesn’t think she’s like that. It was just so, so dark sometimes. So dark that we don’t even know if someone would give us a chance to see the light on the other side of the endless space of bleakness.
Pumasok ako sa kwarto niya at iniwang may puwang ang pinto. I sat down next to her and rested my chin on the edge of her bed, staring at her peaceful form.
Hearing her said those words to me while shedding a batch of tears were heartwarming. Kapag naalala ko ang pag-iyak niya tungkol sa pagkikita nila muli ni Papa ay gusto ko na lang ding umiyak at puntahan ang building nila para sugurin ang amain ko.
He was my father. I felt our genuine bond for a while before. But when he sexually assaulted someone on my Mama's work before... I lost it. I lost it all. I lost my family. But at least, I lost him... We lost him.
I should be happy with that. I hate people who cheats and subjecting another person to do what they desires.
But losing a father... it hurts.
"I love you, Ma..." I murmured and kissed her cheek. Marahan kong pinadausdos ang kamay sa kaniyang buhok at hinaplos ang butil ng luha sa kaniyang pisngi.
Tumayo na ako at hinawakan ang bag sa harapan para hindi makagawa ng kung ano mang ingay. Natigilan ako sa paglabas ng kwarto nang maramdamang may naapakan ako sa gitna ng paglalakad.
It was a postcard. Nakatalikod ito at ang tatak lang ng camera ang nakalagay sa likod. I sat on my feet and feel the side of my lips rosing when I recognized the image once I flipped it.
There were two kids. A boy and a girl. They have a name tag on their chest. The boy with a ruffled long hair just below his jaw was Roro, it was his nickname. While the blonde kid was named as Ia.
It was me.
I remember Papa bleaching my hair blonde before. Mayaman daw kasi ang pinagt-t-trabahuhan ni Mama kaya dapat mukhang nababagay din ako roon.
I couldn’t help but to smile in the memory.
Naka-akbay ako sa lalaki na may malaking ngiti sa labi. Naka-tingkayad pa ’ko para maabot ang balikat niya. Siya naman ay naka-kunot lamang ang noo at tila iritado sa mundo. Bumaba ang tingin ko sa singsing na nasa daliri ko sa litrato.
The ring he crafted for me was made of little sticks and he just bended the tiny things carefully to shape it into a promise ring... it was surprisingly in a great form.
I remember Roro’s flushed cheeks when he put it in my finger. Dinagdag pa niya na hahanapin niya ako sa pagtanda namin kung sakaling mahiwalay man kami sa isa’t isa.
Ngumiti ako.
Alam kong imposible ’yung sinabi niya pero ngayon... miss na miss ko na siya. I want to see him again.
But I’m certain he’s angry at me.
I shaked my head and inhaled, evading a certain direction on my mind where my memories with him and their house were repressed.
Kinuha ko ang photocard at nilagay sa loob ng bag, sinilip ko muna ang mukha ni Mama bago lumabas ng kwarto. I opened my phone and feel my cheeks flushed in the sight of Chiro’s new message.
I cleared my throat, washing away the sweet sensations and responded, asking him to wait for a minute before leaving the apartment, my steps were heavy.
I want to take a nap again.
