Not all of us have perfect vine references, CHRISTOPHER

Part Five

•••

Ben- Hey, do you want to--stop screaming--do you want to watch Shrek with me?

Alex- BEN WHAT THE FUCK, IM IN THE SHOWER, GET OUT!!

Ben- Well, when you're done can we watch Shrek together?

•••

Dean- Did you eat my powdered donuts?

Jake, mouth full of donuts- No-

Dean- Then what's the white powder on your jeans?

Jake- Cocaine.

•••

Forrest- *gets down on one knee*

Wolf- OHMYGOD ITS FINALLY HAPPENING!!

Forrest- *starts to cough up blood*

Wolf- The poison's kicking in!!!

•••

[The lights go out]

Alex- Fuck, the lights went out

Ben- I got this

Alex- wha-

Ben- *starts shaking rapidly and starts glowing*

Alex- How the fuc-

Ben- I swallowed a flashlight

Alex- WHY WOULD YOU-

•••

Jake- Hey, can I have a sip of your water?

Wolf- It's not water

Jake- Vodka? I like your style-

Wolf- It's vinegar

Jake- I- wHat-?

Wolf- It's vinegar, bitch.

•••

Rowan- On a scale of 1 to 10, what's your favorite color of the alphabet? Mine's square!

Alex- 17

Ben- Hmm, oh definitely lime

Teddy- What language are you speaking-?!?!

•••

Ben- If I were a gardener I'd put our two-lips together!

Alex- ×//////×

Jack, turning to Jimmy- Why can't we be like that?

Jimmy- If I were a gardener, you'd be my hoe

Jack- That's why.

•••

[When Alex was younger]

His mom- That's it! You're grounded! And don't you dare go downstairs to meet Ben! *walks out of the room*

Alex- I'm gonna do what's called a pro gamer move!

Alex- *jumps out his window*

•••

Therapist- How have you been coping with everything?

Grape- With sarcasm mostly

Therapist- Has that been working?

Grape- ✨Yeah it's been fucken wonderful ✨

•••

Dean- There's three ways to do things. The right way, the wrong way and the Jake way

Eunchan- Isn't that just the wrong way?

Timothy- Yes, but it's faster

•••

Ben, under his breath- Future husband say 'what'

Alex- What?

Ben- *internal screaming*

•••

Ben- Come on, do it, it's really works

Teddy- Fine..

Teddy, whispering- Future husband say 'what'

Gerard- Hmm?

Rowan- Huh?

Phillip, walking past- What-?

[Later]

Eugene- Why is Teddy on the floor crying? And is Big Ben laughing at him?

Rowan and Gerard- *shrugs*

•••

[Forrest and Wolf on a date, standing in the middle of a Forest]

Wolf- This is my special place, I come here whenever I'm sad

Forrest- Oh- Thanks for showing it to me? I'm glad you trust me-

Wolf- Haha, no I'm kidding we're lost.

•••

Ben- Bitches be like- 'I love Alex, he's so cute <3'

Alex- ......

Ben, gesturing to himself- It's me. I'm bitches.

•••

Ben- *carrying all the groceries in both arms*

Alex- *reaches over to help him*

Ben- *switches everything to one arm to hold Alex's hand*

Alex- what- Ben that's not what i-