Maybe tomorrow

Chapter 43

I didn’t know what day it was. Maybe Thursday or Friday. It was hard remembering what day it was when all you did was cry, sleep and cry and sleep some more.
The only person that I would talk to was Celia. She had been pretty mad at me for keeping the whole Graham-Mafia-deal from her, but she was my best friends and best friends couldn’t be mad at each other for more than 24 hours. It was in the handbook.
 

I hadn’t showed up to work for the entire week since Monday, not that it mattered now. I would get fired for sure. Probably I had already gotten an email about it, but I hadn’t checked them in days.
Clary had tried calling me and had even showed up at my apartment, but I had ignored her. I knew I shouldn’t have. Afterall it was her who should be mad at me, not the other way around.
But I couldn’t look her into the eyes, not yet.
From Celia, who had visited Clary in the hospital, I knew, that Graham was doing fine, which was the most important thing for now. Charlie had spent the past few days with the Blacks, even though it wasn’t weekend yet. Or maybe it was.
 
I hadn’t left my apartment, no matter how often Celia tried to convince me to go out and talk to Mr and Mrs Black, and Clary. She told me that none of them truly blamed me, which I didn’t understand. Because I did, and so did Damien.
Celia hadn’t mentioned him but even though the urge to call him grew bigger with the hour, I knew he didn’t want to talk to me.
 
I also knew that I couldn’t hide from them forever, but I needed some time to figure everything out first. Lackluster I got up from the couch and started walking around the room. I had turned off my phone hours ago, after the hundredth message from Clary but now I didn’t have anything to do anymore, except spending time with my miserable self.
I grabbed the magazine Celia had brought me. At least I wasn’t the only one in the news anymore.
 
 
“One scandal after another: Graham Black, youngest child of the billionaire and businessman Ethan Black, was found shot in the middle of the night at Hunts Point, one of the most dangerous places in New York City. According to family members, he seems to be recovering at the Manhattan hospital.
Why exactly the youngest Black was in the neighborhood with one of the highest crime rates in the country, remains a mystery though.
There is however news on the young woman that had lastly been photographed with Damien Black, the oldest son. According to workers of the company, the woman works there as well since a few weeks. Was this how she met the heir to the Black imperium?
From reliable sources we also know that neither of the couple showed up to work for the rest of the week… Are they taking time off to spend some quality time together, maybe at the family-owned manor up the coast the family has been using as their safe haven? Or is there the first trouble in paradise in sight?”
 
 
Celia had tried to convince me that it could have been a lot worse, and she wasn’t wrong, at least nobody had put my name in there yet, but the thing that bothered me the most was that they actually weren’t that far off about the second part, except that the paradise they were talking about didn’t even exist anymore.
 
I had messed up every chance Damien and I had ever had on a relationship. And there wasn’t anyone I could blame besides myself.
I tossed the magazine back onto the table. I wondered whether Damien had seen the article. He probably had.
I sighed and was about to sit back down onto the couch when it knocked on my door. I sighed again, this time a little deeper.
I didn’t answer. Maybe Clary would go away if I just ignored her long enough.
 
“Ally? Come on, I know you are in there. Celia told me you haven’t left the apartment in days, so don’t try to make a fool out of me.”, I heard someone yell, but it wasn’t Clary’s voice. This one was deeper and more male, but it wasn’t the male voice that I so desperately wanted to hear. Still, I got up and slowly walked towards the door.
Graham knocked on the door again.
 
“Come on. Open up before my bodyguard finds me.”
I couldn’t but laugh a little and the knocking resumed.
“I heard you laugh. Don’t be cruel, open the door!”
 
If I hadn’t wanted to see that he was alright with my own eyes, I probably wouldn’t have opened up, but seeing him, alive, still made me feel a little better.
His arm was in a white sling and he was a little paler than usual, but other than that he looked fine, and even his eyes that used to stare at everyone coldly to hide his anger and pain, sparkled with amusement when I opened the door.
 
“You know, judging by our looks, one could think you were the one who spent the last 3 days in a hospital.”, he said and pushed me aside to step inside. Without permission of course, but I just rolled my eyes and closed the door behind him.
 
He was right though. My hair was messy, my eyes and cheeks red, my nose puffy and I was wearing a large oversized shirt from my dad that still had chocolate stains and popcorn crumbs on it.
 
“It’s nice to see you too.”, I mumbled ironically, and he smirked.
“Well, you too. At least better than being in the hospital, being yelled at by 4 different people at every hour of the day. I’m not even kidding. I think they arranged some kind of schedule. It would have been bearable if the nurses had at least been cute, but I guess that’s karma. Mine was at least 40 pounds overweight and she almost squashed me with her boobs once. That was a closer to death experience than being shot.”
 
I giggled a little, even though I didn’t want to.
“Why exactly are you in such a great mood? Haven’t you seen the articles about you? People think you’re a mobster now.”, I argued pointing at the magazine in the table, but he just put me off with his hand.
 
“I don’t care. Being a mobster is still better than being the girl that successfully seduced her boss for money.”, he laughed, and I crossed my arms.
Then he became more serious.
 
“I actually meant to come here to apologize. I know you won’t believe me, but the reason Damien is still so upset with me isn’t because I didn’t tell him about Talia or the fact that I joined a not-so-legal-business. Don’t get me wrong- he would have really liked to punch me in the face and if mom and dad hadn’t been there this hole in in my shoulder would be the least of my problems, but the thing that he is most upset about is that I involved you and made you choose between me and him. You got caught in the middle of this even though you were just trying to help me, so I really need to apologize. Also, it’s really just a scratch by the way.”
 
This time I was the one to put him off.
“Everything that Damien said at the hospital was true. I was being childish and selfish. I deserved that. But… how about you? How are you holding up? Have you talked to Talia at all?”, I asked, and he slowly shook his head.
“No. I think I need to get over her now. It will take time, but I think it’s best that way. I mean look at what this did to my family…”, he answered with a sad smile, and I was truly surprised.
I bit my lip and grabbed his hand.
 
“I think you should talk to her. I might not like her very much, but I think one thing that we can all learn from this is that it’s better to tell the truth. I haven’t been honest to Damien and that way I destroyed what we could have had. You might still have a chance, don’t waste it.”, I suggested, and he was silent for a moment before he shrugged.
 
“I will think about it. But only if you talk to Damien as well. He is upset, anyone would be, but he still likes you. Don’t give up on him so easily.”
 
That was easier said than done.
“He doesn’t want to talk to me. And I have to respect that.”, I said determinedly.
I wouldn’t let him change my mind on this one.
“He was right about you, you know?”, he said, and I frowned a little.
“He was right about what?”, I asked confused and he smiled.
“You really are stubborn.”
 
After Graham had left, I walked towards the window, opened it and breathed in some fresh air to cool my thoughts.
I hadn’t wanted to admit it but my heart had jumped when Graham had told me that Damien didn’t hate me. Even now.

After I had lied to him, judged him, and broken the promise that I had made him.

But I felt the same way about him. He could break my heart into a million pieces but my heart would still keep longing for him.
 
Because I loved him.
That realization hit me like fist in the stomach. Because it was true. It didn’t matter that I merely knew him for a few months.
It was all the small moments that mattered... The way he played with Charlie, the way he always smiled down at me, the way he was able to make me laugh, and even the way that he made me cry.
 
In that moment it knocked on the door again. It had only been a minute since Graham had left, so he probably had just forgotten something here. I stormed to the door, ready to tell Graham of my realization, but when I ripped open the door, it wasn’t Graham who stood there.

My blood ran cold.