Maybe tomorrow

Chapter 31

“Ally, where were you for God’s sake! We were worried sick about you, when you didn’t-”, Clary froze when she saw Graham behind me in the elevator. For a second her face went blanc but then she opened her mouth and yelled: “Graham!”

Her eyes started to dwell up in tears and her lips were trembling while she stormed forward to wrap her arms around her younger, but much taller, brother who hadn’t even had the chance to step outside the elevator before she reached him.
 
She met him with such force, that he even had to take a step back to not lose his balance. I saw Mrs Black entering the hallway, probably to figure out why in the world Clary was screaming like this but when she saw Graham her face paled even more than it already had, and her eyes widened, before she cried out her son’s name and hugged him too.
 
Awkwardly I glanced down at my shoes.
Finally, Clary wiped her tears and stepped back. She stared at Graham for a moment before she, out of nowhere lifted her hand and slapped him hard in the face so that Graham stumbled against the now closed doors of the elevator.
 
“How dare you to scare us like that! You are such a ruthless, cold-hearted asshole. We even called the police, but nothing! You simply vanished!”
Graham rubbed his cheek and frowned.
“Ouch! Well, that wasn’t very nice.”
 
He grinned a little and that made Clary even more furious, while I couldn’t help but be amazed by how fast his mood had changed from just a few minutes ago. Maybe it just ran in the family.
Clary lifted her arm again but both me and Mrs Black stepped forward to stop her from landing another strike against her brother who was still trapped between his sister and the elevator.
 
“It’s okay sweetheart. You know what they say, violence isn’t the key. And your brother looks like he has already had his fair share of beatings for which, I am sure, he has a good explanation.”, she said calmly but I could tell that she was just as upset as her daughter.
 
She looked at Graham defiantly, but he just kept smiling brightly and casually. I would have believed him if I hadn’t known the predicament he was in. It was like he was a different person now, and that just couldn’t be healthy. Still, I kept quiet, just like I had promised him to be.
“Of course, I have. But first I need to say hello to my favorite nephew.”, Graham claimed, and I turned around.
I hadn’t even noticed Charlie who had appeared behind Mrs Black. Charlie grinned and laughed with joy when his uncle picked him up and spun him around in circles.
“Faster!”, he yelled, excited and after two more rounds Graham carefully put him back on the ground.
I cleared my throat.
 
“Sweetheart, why don’t we go upstairs to your room so you can put on a different shirt for breakfast. You don’t want your uniform to get dirty already, do you?”, I asked and picked him up from the ground.
Maybe it was just my imagination, but I felt like he had grown taller and bigger over the past few weeks.
 
Charlie didn’t seem happy. “But we can wash it! And I don’t mind a few stains. And daddy said-”
“You are not your dad, honey. And also, you want to make a good first impression on your first day.”, I tried to convince him and finally he gave in.
 
We went upstairs and despite the thick walls and the closed door of Charlie’s room, I could still hear screaming and yelling from downstairs.
It was mainly Clary though and I made a mental note to remind myself to never make her get angry at me.
 
It went on like that for about 15 minutes before the yelling abruptly stopped and I heard someone running up the stairs. Two seconds later the doors were thrown open and Clary stormed inside, kicking the doors closed behind her with her foot.
 
Even that looked graceful when she did it.
Despite her messy hair, the cheeks that were flushed in anger and her red swollen eyes that were proof for how much she cared about her brother, she still looked like a goddess.
“Are you okay?”, I asked carefully, even though it was obvious that she wasn’t. I had never been the best at comforting other people.
In books it always seemed so easy. The guy hugged the girl and made a joke and then everything was alright again. But I was always so afraid of making everything even worse, that I usually rather stayed quiet.
 
Clary brushed a strand of lose hair behind her ear and snuffled.
“Yes. I am terrific. Just great. Except for this stupid, ignorant ass-”, she stopped with a look at Charlie.
“Never mind. Forget what I just said. I shouldn’t curse in front of you. My mom would kill me if I taught her beloved grandson swearwords.”
 
Charlie straightened up to his full height.
“I already know a lot of swearwords. My mommy uses them too. I’m old enough to hear them.”, he said, and I knitted my eyebrows.
“Charlie!”, I scolded him but Clary grinned and some of the fierceness in her eyes faded.
At least one of us thought this was funny.
 
 
The next hour was a mess. Damien and came back from office and the police and whoever else were still looking for Graham, had to be called and informed about his reappearance.
Graham himself kept quiet during most of it. He stuck with the story I had made up, just that he added a few more details.
And I was surprised by how reasonable his explanation sounded. I would have believed him myself if I hadn’t known the truth, but I wondered whether the rest of his family believed him after he had disappeared so many times already. I knew Damian didn’t believe him; but what about the others?
 
Charlie and I had had breakfast on our own to give them a little space. I hadn’t even talked to Damien yet.
A short nod had been all we had had time for before he went to talk to his brother. I truly hoped Graham would take my advice, and therefore keep his promise, to be more open towards his older brother.
The cook that worked here from Monday through Saturday, had prepared a huge breakfast in the breakfast parlor but because it had been the two of us, the food still looked almost untouched.
 
I didn’t know whether I was to be sad or relieved that I hadn’t had the chance to talk to Damien yet. There was no doubt that he knew his brother and I had arrived together. Like Clary already had, he would ask questions and while it had been fairly easy to lie to his sister, I wasn’t sure whether he would let me off the hook that easily.
I had made a promise to both of the brothers and I would have to break one of them.
 
The minutes ticked by and I nervously nibbled at my vanilla croissant while Charlie drank his hot chocolate to my right.
“Why are they all fighting?”, he asked after a few more seconds and I turned towards him. His eyebrows were knitted together which made him look even more like his father.
 
“Is it because of me?”
My eyes widened and I grabbed my sons hand.
“No, sweetie, how could you think that? They are not arguing because of you. Don’t ever say that.”
It hurt me that he would even think about that. He shouldn’t have to worry about anything.
 
“Why can’t we be with them then? Why aren’t they having breakfast with us? They always do.” I sighed. How could I explain this to a four year old?
 
“Charlie, honey, what they are arguing about has nothing to do with neither you nor me. We are just here because they need some time for themselves and I am sure that as soon as they figured everything out, they will come and have breakfast with us.”, I promised and fortunately in that moment the door opened and Damien, Clary and Mrs Black entered the room.
 
“I am starving.”, Clary whined hysterically and let herself drop onto the chair next to me. She instantly grabbed a bread roll from a basket in front of her, as well as a chocolate croissant and a few pieces thoroughly cut fruits, some of which I didn’t even know what they were.
 
Damien sat next to Charlie and Mrs Black took her seat across from mine.
Another 2 minutes later Graham and Mr Black joined us at the table. It was a quiet breakfast, but the atmosphere was less awkward and tense than I had feared.
I was dying to know what they had talked about and whether they believed Graham’s story or not, but I would find out soon because after breakfast Damien grabbed my hand and pulled me outside the parlor.
 
His grip was firm, but it wasn’t that what bothered me.
Did he know I had been withholding information? Instead of pressing for answers I followed him in silence up the stairs and into a corridor.
He navigated towards the large white door at the very end and when he opened the door it became obvious that this was his old room.
It was very spacious, at least two or three times as big as the guest bedroom downstairs, and it was a lot more personal than the bedroom in his own apartment.
 
There were many pictures and posters plastered to the walls, and the shelves that covered the entire right wall were cramped with hundreds and hundreds of books, decorations, awards, and souvenirs from endless trips to places that people like me could only dream of.
It was shocking to me how intimate it felt. I had never seen him as a bookworm, but again, I had never thought about what his hobbies and interests might me and I realized how little I actually knew about him.
 
It was like a stab in my heart when I thought about all the memories that he had probably already collected with Talia, ex-girlfriend or not, these memories would always stay with him and the way he had talked about her, it was obvious that she meant a lot to him.
 
We, on the other hand, would never be able to make up for the lost time of the past 5 years, and neither would Charlie. And that it was my fault, and mine alone, made things even worse.
After everything we had both been through we were still strangers to one another.
 
Damien had let go of my hand and I stepped forward to the first shelf. It was mostly just books in there but there were a few awards.
One of them caught my attention.
It was the smallest award out of all of them but next to it was a framed picture that showed Damien, only 5 or 6 years old at the time, standing on a podium next to 2 other children, holding a certificate and the exact same award that was now standing on his shelf.
On the glass award it said: “2nd place Spelling Bee, 1st grade, Rutherford Private Elementary School”.
 
Damien, who had noticed my upset mood, walked towards me, and put a heavy hand on my shoulder.
“What is it?”, he asked with a low voice. I kept quiet for a few seconds before I answered.
 
“You looked exactly like Charlie.” I was avoiding his question, but he finally realized what picture I had been staring at and he chuckled a little.
“True. But he has your nose. And your laugh too.”
 
I had to smile, at least until he repeated his earlier question.
This time with more urgency like he was already talking about what had happened with his brother earlier.
 
“Is something wrong?”, he added, and I lowered my gaze to the parquet floor.
There was more than just one thing wrong.
 
I still saw the man with the gun in front of my mind’s eye and it scared me more than I wanted to admit. I wasn’t afraid of the gun itself but of the damage it could do when used by the wrong person.
And the man hadn’t exactly looked very friendly.
 
Still I pushed the thought of both of them aside, as well as of the youngest Black and I lifted my head again, up to the picture and the award. Almost simultaneously I lifted my arm as well and my fingers brushed over the glass that protected this precious memory from any harm.
 
“It’s just… It makes me realize that I don’t actually know anything about you. I mean we have basically only known each other for a few weeks and during most of that time we didn’t even talk and whenever we did, we mostly argued.
I mean, think about it! I don’t know your favorite food or color or animal. I don’t know whether you had a pet or what your hobbies are. I didn’t even know that you liked reading. And it’s all my fault.”
 
I would have expected him to agree and stand back again but instead he turned me around and lifted my chin up like he had done a few times before.
 
“I know you are upset, Princess. And believe me, so am I, for so many reasons. But we can’t change what happened. I won’t lie to you because I have thought about this a lot ready.
I wish you would have come to me earlier. I missed so much of Charlie’s and your life but there is no reason to let these mistakes repeat themselves. I want Charlie in my life, and you too. There is still time to get to know each other.”
 
Something about the way he said it, made my heart flutter and suddenly it was hard to breathe again. I wanted to close the gap between us and kiss him.
Everything about him fascinated me in a way no one else had ever done.
He was still a mystery to me, in so many ways and I wanted nothing more at the moment than to solve it. I wanted to get to know all of him.
 
We stared into each other’s eyes for a few seconds and finally I had the courage to step forward. I was already reaching for him, when he suddenly took his hand off my shoulder and stepped back.
 
The tension between us was gone and all that was left were my red cheeks, flaming with embarrassment. Of course, he didn’t want to kiss me, what had I been thinking?
At least he did me the favor of ignoring my flushed cheeks and cleared his throat casually, turning away from me.
 
“We need to talk. About Graham.”, he declared and instantly I felt my guilty conscience returning. But at the same time worries arose in me.
What did he want to talk about? Did he know anything? Had Graham said anything about me?
“W- What?”, I asked, and I bit my lip. If I continued stuttering like this, it would be obvious that I had something to hide.
“Graham said that you two met downstairs, is that true? He said he was already on his way up here, but then he met you and you talked for a while?”
 
This was it. This was my only chance to tell him the truth. I swallowed hard and even though it took me only a few seconds to answer, it felt like an eternity until I finally managed to bring the word upon my lips.
It was only a single word.
“Yes.”