Maybe tomorrow

Chapter 35

I didn't even realize we had reached the bathroom until Emma let go of my hand to check whether all the bathroom stalls were empty.

She nodded in satisfaction and then leaned against the vanity while crossing her arms.
I

didn't need to look into the mirror to know that my eyes, that had looked so happy and sparkling in the picture in the magazine were wide and blank now.
The shock was easing off of my body and all that stayed was exasperation and coldness that was creeping up my limps now, slowly spreading through the rest of my body.
 
And all that I could think of was: This isn't real. This isn't real. It's just a nightmare.
But it wasn't a nightmare.
It was, as harsh and terrifying as it was, the truth. My hand was still clasping the magazine and the paper felt smooth underneath my fingertips but I was grabbing it so tight that my knuckles were turning white, as if I could make all of it undone if I just scrunched up Damien’s face, and my own, until they weren't recognizable anymore.
 
But there was no going back. Not from this.
The sickness in my stomach returned while I stared down at my feet, trying to breathe steadily. It was something that my psychology professor had thought us to cope with overwhelming situations, but it didn’t help much.
 
Emma seemed to have realized that I wasn't really with her anymore because she came and grabbed my cold hands.
“Hey, just tell me what happened. I mean… how?”, she sounded disbelieving, but she wasn't the only one that felt this way. I looked up a little, but I didn't respond. I didn’t know what to say.
 
And there was nothing I could say that would change anything about this situation anyways. The only thing that I knew for sure right now was that I was absolutely, totally screwed.
Emma grabbed the magazine from my hand, letting go off me, and began to read, stepping back a little as if she were afraid I would jump forwards and rip the magazine out of her hands again, which wasn’t so far from the truth. After the first sentence I already felt the urge to press my hands against my ears to not have to listen to it anymore.
 
 
“Hot love affair: Damien Black, the son of billionaire Ethan Black, who was, until only a few days ago, engaged to his girlfriend Talia Russo, was caught during a very intimate moment with a woman whose name isn't known yet.
Is she the reason why the couple broke up, on such short notice before their California Dream Wedding?
Who is this pretty mystery woman and how did she manage to seduce the handsome heir of the Black imperium?
Rumors say that she has attended the annual Woodward Gala, together with Damien Black. So how long has this affair been going on? 
It seems like a lot of people are waiting for answers, including potential and current business partners that now might be questioning the sense of responsibility of the young Black Jr.
Is he capable of running a multi-billion-dollar corporation if he isn't even able to deal with his own private life?”
 
 
She finally finished, and I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
This was a disaster, without question, but seduce him? That was ridiculous. How could people believe this?
Would they believe this?
 
And in that second I also realized what she had actually said.
Engaged?
No one had ever mentioned to me that they had been engaged!
Only seconds before completely losing my mind or hyperventilating, Emma grabbed my shoulders tightly and shook me as if she hoped that that would help me to come back to my senses.
 
“What the hell, Ally? When did you plan on telling me that you have an affair with Damien Black, who is your boss by the way! I mean- I thought we were friends.”, she said, hurt and I bit my lip.
 
“Of course, we are! And I wanted to tell you… I just couldn't.”
I didn't seem to make her feel any better about it because she let go off me and crossed her arms.
“Well now it is too late, so just tell me the truth. Are you having an affair with Damien Black? How do you even know him? I have never even seen him in person! Let alone talked to him.”, she argued, and I could hardly get myself to stop crying.
 
Why was I always letting everyone down?
Charlie, my parents, Emma, and also Damien. This was bad for me, yes. But it was also my fault that now the whole world was questioning his abilities as a leader. Would he even talk to me after this?
And what about the rest of his family?
 
But Emma was right, the cat was let out of the bag. I couldn’t tell anyone else the truth about me and Damien, for Charlie’s sake but Emma deserved the truth.
All of it.
 
I sighed deeply and brushed my hair back with shaking hands, before wiping my tears away, even though new ones kept coming.
“I am so sorry, Emma. I swear, if I could have told you, I would have! But there are only a few people that know the truth, and those would be my best friend Celia, her boyfriend Derek, and Damien’s family. I never meant for you to get hurt… I’m sorry…
I told you that I moved here only recently but the truth is that I’ve lived here once before. I went to college here, but that was almost 5 years ago.”, I started.
 
In the beginning my voice was trembling but the longer I talked, the steadier my voice got, at least until I told her how Damien had gotten me pregnant.
 
“And he just left you and went back to Talia?”, Emma asked disbelievingly, and I shook my head, burying my face in my hands.
I wish time travel would have been possible because then I would have traveled back in time and punched myself for being such a stupid jackass. Now I knew he would never have done that and maybe then I wouldn’t be in such a mess now.
“No, I… I didn’t tell him until a few weeks ago.”
 
Ashamed I lowered my gaze. I didn’t want to see the judgement in Emma’s face but instead of yelling at me or giving me punitive looks, she just sighed and grabbed my hands.
 
“Oh, Ally… If I would have known that you were so much trouble I would have never befriended you.”, she said jokingly and one of the weights that were crushing down on my heart and lungs -actually all of my organs- eased off and it was easier to breathe now.
 
“So, you don’t think I am a terrible person?”, I asked hopefully, and she shook her head.
“No, silly. Of course not. Even though I have to admit I am quite curious to hear the rest of your story. I mean- Why now?”
 
Why now?
That exact question had Damien asked me too, and I told her exactly what I had told him, just a few weeks ago, just with less crying and sobbing this time. At the end, Emma was speechless, and I didn’t know who had cried more, Emma or me.
After I had told her about Charlie’s cancer, she had basically turned into a living waterspout.
 
“That is so terrible! I am so, so sorry, Ally. Horrible… Just horrible…”, she cried for the 5th time, and I helplessly patted her shoulder.
 
“It’s okay. Really. I just need to figure this out. I mean I am probably going to get fired for this. You know… For the thing with Damien. I am not sure my boss is going to appreciate behavior like this.”, I said, forcing a smile onto my lips.
 
Talking to Emma had helped me a lot but the anxiety and coldness stayed buried inside me and were following me like an obsessed puppy. Just that puppies were cute. This wasn’t.

Emma shook her head.
“Did you forget that your head of department works for Damien, and not the other way around? Damien -Oh God, it feels so weird to use his first name- won’t let him fire you.
And also, I have only heard good things about Mr Anderson, he is very kind and fair. But hopefully Damien won’t let my boss fire me either because we have been in here for the past hour or so.”, she said as if she thought I was crazy.
 
I sighed and nodded, but then shaking my head again.
“But it is practically my fault that now he is now the laughingstock of the entire city. I should have never let this happen. And imagine what people will say when they find out that I work for him?

They will say that I just used him to get a promotion. People could use that against him and make him seem corruptible, or something. I have already caused a mess big enough for him to clean up. And I’ll find a job somewhere else.”
 
Emma didn’t seem happy.
“Don’t be ridiculous! This is not your fault. You couldn’t have known that this paparazzi was there, stalking you! You can’t blame yourself.
And don’t you dare leave me alone here! Who am I supposed to spend lunch break with?”, she said in a duh-tone, as if it were obvious. She sounded so convinced that I didn’t dare to object.
 
“I guess I will just have to wait and see. But I don’t want you to lose your job because of me, so maybe we should get going. And I have to hurry or else I will miss the briefing.”
I tried to sound unworried but even thinking about going out there and being stared at like a caged animal in the zoo, made my intestines twist around what felt like a razor blade.
 
But there was no way around it. This time I couldn’t run because there was no place to go.