Shade Of Love

14 | Into The Deep

"A little bit of both. I'm a little more bold but I'm a lot less scared of change and things I can't control and that's a good thing," I articulated.

He continued writing in his notebook for a few moments and then looked back up at me to read my expression.

"Last week we began to speak about your father and you began to tear up, can I ask why you had that reaction?," He asked, encouraging me to vent.

"Well I never knew him, he left my mother when she found out she was pregnant with me and that's pretty much that. Nothing special," I barked.

The thought of my deadbeat father boiled my blood.

"Do you believe women without fathers or people that lack a parent in general are more prone to choosing the incorrect partners?," He asked, directly waiting for an answer.

"I mean I suppose so. I don't care about him though so I don't see how that would've led me to Jax," I responded.

I was unsure of what point he was trying to make.

"The thing is generally speaking when you grow up seeing certain things you began to accept and learn those things. However on an opposing end when you grow up seeing a lack of certain things you attempt to seek those things you missed out on but often in the wrong kinds of people," he explained.

"You not having a father around to love your mother in front of you instantly caused you to lack an overall understanding of love," he added.

I blinked a few times to try to fight back the tears I felt fighting their way to the surface of my eyelids, he was absolutely right.

I began to sob quietly and he handed me a box of Kleenex tissues.

I wiped my eyes and picked my head back up.

"You're right. I never knew what love was and I guess me being abandoned by the one man who was supposed to always be there for me caused me to accept a man that I somehow knew didn't love me, I just wanted to be accepted or needed," I responded.

"The first step is always admittance, I'm extremely proud of your progress but do not want to continue to push you," he commented.

"Let's talk about your altercation this weekend that involved Omar, what exactly happened?," He questioned, clicking his pen as he waited for a response.

"Well I was sitting talking to him, and I'd been drinking. She approached us and only addressed him, you could tell she was upset. I got upset in response to that and kind of snapped at her demanding to know who she was and what she wanted," I recalled.

"Why did you instantly jump to aggression towards this woman, why not calmly talk to her?," He asked.

"I mean I was drunk and the vibe I got from her just wasn't nice," I explained.

"Have you always gotten defensive over those you're speaking to, or was it just for Omar?"

"I mean I've always felt it was rude to walk up to more than one person and interrupt their conversation," I grunted.

He closed his notebook and turned his chair directly towards me.

"Your trauma seems to have taken a not so great effect on your character, you're projecting quite a bit. Withholding information from your friends, attacking a woman for approaching a man you're only recently seeing and becoming intimate with someone you aren't sure of," he replied. "As we get further into our sessions I do plan to help you reunite with your true self."

Did I want to be my "true self" though? I kind of liked this version of me, I was unapologetic.

We concluded our session and I exited his office making my way to my car. I climbed in and dialed Omar, he picked up on the second ring and greeted me.

"Hey beautiful I was waiting to hear from you, how was therapy?" He asked, his voice sounding deep and somewhat tired.

"It was refreshing to say the least, definitely will be a lot more of it I have an appointment set for Wednesday," I answered.

"Well I can't wait to see you tomorrow, make sure you pull out your nicest ballroom dress," He chimed.

Ballroom? Wait what?

"I'm sorry did you say ballroom dress?" I asked, waiting for confirmation.

"Haha yes, I know it's random but it's a very elegant event being thrown for my company, you'll be my plus one and that's the theme," he explained.

I gulped, I most definitely had to do some shopping and fast. I had never dreamed of that kind of occasion.

"Okay got it, I can't wait," I cooed.

When we hung up the phone I sent out a group text to my girls that read "SOS". I was going to need all the help and fashion advice that I could get.

A/N : Thank you guys for reading, hope you're enjoying the story! Stay tuned. 🖤🦋

Edited by author on 5/19/22 ✨