Unconventional

Last

This is it. It's two o' clock in the afternoon and we are on our way to Mall of Asia Arena. I decided to sit beside Mich on the last row and trying to get some sleep as well because I had a hard to sleep last night. This is really hard for me but I made up my mind. It is not good for the team to have an unstable playmaker. My presence will just compromise the ability of the team.

I put my head on Mich shoulder and wrapped my arms around her waist. I will definitely miss them. My happiest days is the moment that I spent with them, with Bea. I will left the team but it doesn't mean that I will forget everything that we had before. All the struggles the we had before we are declared as champions. Those long night talks. The silly moments. The fun. The out of the country trip or training. As I recall everything that I had with these people, it really makes me feel sad but, no turning back.

We finally arrived here at the venue an hour before our game. My last game. The second game between UP and FEU are on the latter part. I scan my eyes all over the place. This will be the last moment that I will come here as an athlete. I see a bunch of people that are so glad to see us. This is another thing that I'm going to miss as well, the people who never stop in supporting us. I wonder what they are going to say if they found out that I quit. What I am now, it's all because of them. They never stop on believing in me, sometimes, they are the one who pushes me and never failed to remind me what I'm capable of. I owe them a lot.

I stepped down from our bus and closed my eyes for a moment. Trying to calm myself. After a few second, I have heard a voice from my back. She leaned towards me and tap my back. I can feel her breath against my skin.

"Let's start pretending." Her voice is very firm and cold. After saying those words, she passed me by and now she's heading to our dugout. As I watch her getting far from me, my body seems like shaking and feeling cold under the heat of the sun. I tried not to let my tears to fall but I failed. I quickly weep it before people get to notice. This is my choice so I really have to endure all the pain by making this decision.

♡♡♡

After doing my routine whenever I have a game. Our coaches and staff told us that we are going to come out early so that we can start doing our warm up and let go of unnecessary things that might affect our focus to the game. This is one thing Coach Tai been doing every big games like this. He want us to release all the pressure and focus into the game.

The moment we step in to the court, our supporters keep on cheering. I look at them once again and I whisper to myself, "I will surely miss this." I closed my eyes and after that, started to do our stretching. Bea been so quiet the whole time. She is not the same Bea I used to see before every game. No dancemove, no bang-bang, no bearhugs. None of everything.

I see on the other side of the court are the Lady Spikers, they've been so focus as well. They are very determined to bounce back against their previous lost against us. I was so happy that I was able to play in an Ateneo-La Salle game. The atmosphere of every blue and green faceoff is very different. This is my 7th match against them and I want to win this.

Game time.

As expected, the first set is very close, we are able to take the lead on the early part of the set but as expected, La Salle is La Salle, they fought back. Good things is, we are able to survive the first set and now we're up by a single set.

Second set is comparable to what happened in the first set. Still, very close but this time, our archrival make sure this time that they will get the set and tied it all up. They're successful.

So much appreciation from the people inside the arena for both sides. They never get tired of showing their support for us and to the other team. It really feels good that we are giving them a very nice game.

Third set is up and both teams really wanted to get the upperhand in this game and that result to another close set. Ate Ly and her counterpart on the other side of the net, Ara Galang been exchanging point per point. People are so pleased to witness the battle between the two ace players. Ohhhs and ahhhs is very evident after every hit. In the end, we get the upperhand of this game.

We are so happy that we are able to get that set. Aside from Ate Ly, our two rookies, Jho and Bea are playing great as well. We do the meditation again to calm ourselves. As I closed my eyes, one thing that came into my mind. We will win this. But the reality of leaving this team really hurts me inside but, Bea's been delivering so good, I must do my part too. I shouldn't be affected this negative feeling that I have inside.

The signal is on, time to play for the last set of this journey. I want to win this game just like what I have said to Bea the last time. Winning the last game with these people, with Bea meant so much for me. Despite of the reality that I actually given up, the thought of winning it with the one that I love will erase all the negativities that I have inside. I will stepped out to this arena, loud and proud.

The game is on, the same scenario just like in the three previous sets. People screaming on the top of their lungs. Every point is very hard to get. Long rallies and celebration every point. I was able to score through a drop ball but commit an error afterwards. The score is tied at 25 and this play is very crucial and luckily, we are able to get the matchpoint through Jho's back to back attack points and we win.

♡♡♡

Everyone are so happy with the win. Now we are in the Finals. We headed to our dugout after we pay respect to the Lady Spikers and Coach Ramil.

Just like we always do, we prayed and thank God for giving us this win and HE continue to guide us in everything that we do.

While everyone are taking their well deserved rest, I approached Ate Ly and told her that there's something I want to tell the team and the whole staff. She stand up and tried to get the attention of everyone. After making sure that everyone got her attention, she nooded at me and asked me to go on.

"Thanks, Ate Ly." I am now facing the whole team, including Coach Tai and Coach Parley, Sir Tonyboy and Kuya TJ. I breath heavily and closed my eyes. As I opened my eyes, though I'm shaking, I know I'm ready.

"Ate Ella, Ate Den and Ate Yel, thank you so much for all the things that you taught for me to be a better person. What I am now, I owe it to you. Goodluck to your career and I will be praying for your continued success whatever path you choose."

"Ate Ly and Ate Amy, please decide to play your last playing year because I know, the team really needs you. Thank you also for being such a good Ate not only for me but for all of us. I'll pray for your continued success as well and I'll ask God to continue to guide you in every step because He knows that you are playing for His glory."

"Ate Gizelle, I will not be as a good setter just like what I am now without your help. I owe you a lot. Thanks for those long night talks. For everything, Thank You!"

"My batchmates, Mich, Jamie, Kim and Ana, get well soon Ana. We really miss you. Thanks for everything as well. You guys are the best! My stay here wouldn't be as awesome without you."

"Therese, Jho and Maddie, in a short period of time, I was able to gather a lot of awesome memories with you guys. Keep on playing hard, I know you'll be more successful compared to what I have now. I believe in you."

I shifted my attention to Bea and all I can see is a very quiet girl, head down and not even dare to look at me. This is the most difficult part of saying goodbye's but I must do it. For the team and for both of us. Breathing become so heavy and I'm having a hard time to utter any word. I can feel that in any moment, I'll breakdown.

"Bea, I know you will not understand why I am doing these. I can't blame you if you will get mad at me. But I guess, this is the best thing to do for us. I am having this emotional stress since then, that anonymous, I can't stop myself not to get jealous 'coz just like what I said, how I wish I was the only one who can do such things for you. I am not expecting anything and I don't want to give you a lot of worries that's why I decided to left the team. Bea, I am so thankful because God give me a chance to met someone like you. Everything that we had, I'll treasure it for the rest of my life. I am the happiest everytime I am with you. Bea, I love you. I am not asking you to love me back, please just don't ask me to stop this feeling that I have for you because I might failed you. Thank you for everything. I love you and I leave you but it doesn't mean that I will not continue to do so. Because I know, here in my heart, it is YOU that all I ever wanted.