for every question why

night

It was raining again the next night and the one after that, and even the one after that. Calum felt the wet seep all the way to his bones and soak him through and through. So when Ashton suggested they all go out and release some steam, Michael and Luke were insistent.

The club was loud. Calum could barely remember how they managed to get in, but the sweat dripping down his back as he danced was the only sensation he could focus on. He couldn't tell how long they had been there but the firm haze around Calum's thoughts was a strong indicator.

Ashton's eyes burned holes into Calum's wandering form, and the gaze quickly became his focus. If he rolled his hips a little more or threw his head back to expose his neck, that was no one's business but Ashton's. And make it his business, Ashton did.

Familiar hands found their way to Calum's hips and lips pressed to the shell of his ear.

"Having fun?" Ashton murmured, his breath sending sparks through Calum. The younger turned around to face Ashton, and their noses brushed slightly. Everything around them seemed to disappear until the only sound Calum could hear was his heart beating loudly and their breath in the space between their mouths.

Ashton's hands were unwavering, supporting him as the pair swayed to the music, their eyes never leaving the other. Calum wanted to stay like that forever, so close he could count the lashes that framed Ashton's eyes and feel the heat of his chest against his own as he narrowly dodged stepping on Ashton's feet with each step. However, a heavy weight in his chest grew restless.

"Wanna get out of here?" Calum suggested and Ashton laughed loudly. He threw his head back and Calum had to resist biting into the muscle there and leaving a mark to claim Ashton as his own.

"Where to?"

"Anywhere." Ashton's smile was unlike any he's ever seen. The effect it had on Calum was something he wouldn't find in any other face, space, or place.

Once again, Ashton held his hand out for Calum, willing to pull him through any storm and bring them both out the other side. And once again, Calum took it and held tight.

They ran through the London streets, with sore cheeks illuminated only by the dim street lights. Calum was overwhelmed by the sight in front of him. Ashton's carefree smile that he only caught glimpses of every time the older boy turned back to look at him, the blush on his cheeks, and the wild look in his eyes, all filled Calum up and settled into a warm ball in his chest.

"Where are you taking me?" Calum laughed as Ashton tugged his arm even harder than before. Their fingers were still interlaced, and Calum felt a small shiver every time Ashton would run his thumb over his knuckles.

"You'll see!" the older boy called back.

They kissed for the first time that night, sitting on a park bench, looking up at the stars as the night's drizzle curled their hair gently. It was everything Calum thought it would be. The unbearable weight on his chest released so quickly, Calum felt like he was cut open and spread bare.

"I love you," Calum whispered, staring into Ashton's bright eyes. Their lips brushed lightly as Calum spoke.

"I've loved you for as long as I've known you," Ashton admits. Calum felt like crying. Instead, he pressed his lips back against Ashton's.

Their lips were made to be connected, and each movement was made specifically for the other. Ashton's hand came up to the back of Calum's neck and held him there as they continued. As if Calum would have tried to move his head away. Ashton broke the kiss and rested his forehead against Calum's. "I was so scared you didn't feel the same way."

"I've always loved you. I don't know myself if I'm not loving you, Ash," Calum said softly, melting at the way Ashton's fingers felt in his hair. He wasn't sure how much of it was really true, but he would have said anything. Anything to keep that free feeling in their chests, clinging to the hope that the years spent watching each other's lives from the sideline wasn't for nothing.

After a few weeks of stolen kisses and hushed whispers under the sheets of Calum's bed, Calum felt like he was on cloud nine. Learning everything he possibly could about this side of Ashton, from the way he sounded when Calum would kiss that one spot under his ear to the way he would always stretch his body the moment he woke up.

It was distracting in the best way anyone could be distracted.

Until it wasn't.