EMPIRE [h.s]

22!

It has been two weeks since the small fight I had with Harry.

I almost haven't talk to him in this time space.

Ive ignored him, everytime he was coming where I was, I left. I've almost never been in the same room as him.

I talked to the other guys but not one word to Harry. I have to be in this tour, I have no way to leave, and I accepted that but I don't have to talk to him or even acknowledge him, so I just act like he doesn't exist.

I know how to do this since every person in my life acted like I was non existent so now it's my turn.

I know that the more I talk to him the more I'm getting attracted because who doesn't' chase the inaccessibility, who is not attracted by the person who hates you. Of course I hate him but I can't lie about the fact he attracts me. He is one of the most gorgeous man I've met, best looking, hot. And he is this famous rockstar who is in reality a bitch, how could you not be attracted.

Or i'm just weird. Maybe, after all I'm obsessed with Patrick Dempsey, Ian Somerhalder, David Beckam and RDJ when I'm only 19...

But I don't want to be attracted to Harry, I just can't help it.

Even when I'm avoiding him, not talking to him he is all that's on my mind. My body is telling me to be near him all the time but my mind tells me not to.

This man feels like a magnet I can't escape. I can try everything I want but I will end up laying on my bed and thinking about Harry Styles.

Despite the fact he made me go through the worst.

We are back in California, this time in San Diego.

What is really disturbing me is that Harry is... ignoring me too. He just act the same way as I do.

The only things between us anymore are eye contacts and this constance tension when we are close to each other.

It's weird.

April and I got so much closer, she doesn't know much about my personal life and I don't know much about hers, but our personalities matched, so everytime she comes on the tour we spend our time together.
Now she is always on the tour because she always wants to be with Niall and I.

We formed the best trio. Niall is the only boy I got close to.

She is important for me because she is the only person truly here for me and bringing me joy.

She is my only company and the only one who cares about me. I laugh a lot with her, she is the same age as me so she really feels like a best friend to me. She is fun to be around.

Niall and I got closer too. In a friend way obviously.

He is always telling me his sexist jokes and making comments about my body or my dressing but we had the opportunity to have some real discussions and bound around this.

When we were finding each other randomly, on the terraces of the different hotels, when he was getting high and I needed to smoke or take a breath after crying.

And now we kind of spend our time together with June.

The other boys and I are being civil. Except with Harry. It's strange between us obviously.

I'm not in Liam's rooms anymore, they finally allowed me to have my own and I've never been more grateful to be alone in my life.

At first Niall's and I talks were futile and then we went on deeper subject.

Tonight was one of them.

« I'm an orphan » he states bluntly after I told him my father died, not how or anything.